


Ignorance// Sequel to Oblivious

by SecretlyLonelyWrites



Series: Oblivious Wolfstar Trilogy [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-05 19:12:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 20,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15177446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecretlyLonelyWrites/pseuds/SecretlyLonelyWrites
Summary: Some people say ignorance is bliss.~1978, 7th Year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and WizardrySirius Black and Remus Lupin seem to be deeply in love. So far, nothing has been able to stop the young romance from blossoming, but that all changes in the boys' last year at Hogwarts. Things are happening in their world that bring about events that no one is expecting.





	1. Chapter 1

_Summer 1978_

_No.12 Grimmauld Place was lit up, classical music danced lazily through the air. The loud chatter of various guests and family members filled the house. Most bragged about " How charming their eldest son " was or how " Uncle Alphard was no longer a part of the family"._ _The house elves ran around pouring flutes of champagne for the guests._ _The gathering was extravagant and well planned, of course, how could you expect anything else from the esteemed House of Black?_

_All of the rooms were open, and lit up with floating candles, the portraits making occasional remarks here and there. All except one room. The room of the eldest son of Orion and Walburga Black._

_His room was locked up tight, no one allowed in or out. His parents made sure of that. No one would ever see the disgraceful face of Sirius Black unless absolutely necessary._

_A little girl with long, purple hair, scampered up to it. She knocked three times with determination .She checked to make sure no one was around. Shuffling could be heard from behind the large intimidating door, but the girl was not scared, not put off by the fact that the door was the only locked one in the house. For, her cousin Sirius was behind this big door, and she trusted him with her life._

_The door opened a crack. A teenage boy with long, slightly curly, black hair ushered her in. He was thin, his bones protruding rudely from his wrists. He plopped on the bed and put the little girl in his lap._

_" ' Allo ,Nymphy! I'm glad you came," he tapped her nose with an affectionate look in his eyes._

_She giggled and grinned up at him._

_" Of course, Siri! I've missed you a ton!"_

_" How much?"_

_' Nymphy' proceeded to stretch her arms out as wide as possible. "This much!"_

_Sirius enveloped her into a big hug and threw her up in the air. She squealed joyously and crawled up beside him once more._

_" Sirius, can you tell me about hogwarts?"_

_The boy got a far off look is his eye, and his smile widened._

_" Hogwarts is magnificent. It's huge and magical and it's filled with wonderful people. You'll make loads of friends and maybe even some enemies, but don't worry about them. You're gonna love it Nymphy, I know you will!"_

_Nymphy beamed, " Tell me about your friends."_

_Sirius smiled down at this innocent young girl. He tickled her sides and she laughed until her side hurt._

_" Stop, stop, Siri!"_

_He stopped and chuckled along with her._  
  


_" Alright, I'll tell you about my friends. First off there's James. He's a real pain sometimes. He is brave and kind and has the worst hair in all of existence!"_

_Nymphadora laughed at his part._

_" He's an eccelent quidditch player, though. I'll give him that much.Oh, and I can't forget, he's completely head-over-heels for this girl Lily. They're bound to be married someday, I know it. Then there's Peter. He's nice, shy quiet, but very loyal. I don't think he could even hurt a fly if he tried," Sirius laughed._

_" And of course, Remus. Remus is the most amazing bloke you'll ever meet. He's intelligent and a bookworm. He has the most sass that is humanly possible in a body that small! He wears overly large jumpers that cover his hands, and he's always losing his quills. His eyes are the most magnificent shade of brown I've ever seen. They're a mixture of amber and honey and in the light they shine brighter than the sun. When he laughs the corners of his eyes crinkle and his cheeks become rosy. His hair is fluffy and brown. It has these little curls that are adorable. Remmy has a scar that runs across his nose and freckles cover almost every inch of his skin."_

_Sirius wanted to keep rambling about the beauty of his boyfriend forever. Nymphy seemed really interested in it too. Her eyes shone in the dim lighting of the room. Her hair changed from purple to brown and curly, her eyes to the amber colour Sirius described._

_" Remus," she tried the name out on her lips._

_Sirius nodded , " Remus Lupin."_

_~_

_Later on in the night Nymphadora was called by her mother. She scampered down the stairs, leaving the door open a crack. Conversations from the guests below drifted into Sirius' room._

_The sound of a utensil hitting a glass filled the boy's ears and got his attention._

_" Family and friend. Noble members of the Black family. I'm sure you've all heard the news. A new ruler is coming to the wizarding world. Someone much more apt in skill. He will provide the means of getting rid of every mudblood and imbeciles who stand in his way. Here's to Lord Voldemort!"_

_" Here, here!"_

_~_

_Remus sat alone in his room. He had an essay for history of magic laying across his desk. His room was dimly lit with a candle and his bed was slowly falling apart. It smelled of old books and rotting wood, a scent that the werewolf had grown accustomed to over time._

_His stomach growled. Remus huffed in annoyance, he was always hungry now, it was starting to be quite a burden. The tall, gangly boy got up from his small chair and headed downstairs to the rest of the house. His room was once the attic and was secluded from the other residents._

_When Remus got to the kitchen, he saw that his dad was there._

_" Hungry again, Remus?"_

_Remus simply nodded and grabbed a biscuit from the pantry. The room was quiet, the only sound was Lyall breathing and his son's chewing._

_Remus cleared his throat. "Soo.. wheres Mum?" he asked awkwardly, hoping to lessen the tension._

_His father swallowed thickly. " She's , uh.. She's... Your mother isn't feeling well."_

_Remus nodded in understanding. His mother must've gotten a cold or something of the sort. He didn't notice the grave look on his father's face or the waver in his voice. Remus looked around the room, before spotting what he was looking for._

_He grabbed an apple and walked away without saying another word to his dad._


	2. Chapter 2

September 1978

Remus arrived at Kings Cross station just in time to get on his train. The station was bustling and filled with various citizens. Remus strode quickly to platforms 9 and 10. A very angry,balding man bumped into him.

" Sorry!"   
Remus quickly apologized.

" Watch where you're going, fag!"

The man hurried away, muttering a series of slurs and curses under his breath. Remus frowned, but continued on his way.

He casually walked into the wall separating the two platforms. He had done it enough times so that he no longer hesitated or even flinched.

Immediately after he emerged from the magic barrier he was met with a scarlet train that was ready to leave. The platform was abandoned of most students, the only people left were weeping parents.

~

Remus made his way down the aisle to the compartment that was known as the Marauders'. As he got closer he could hear the boisterous boys from inside. He grinned and slid open the compartment door.

" Moony! Glad you could join us!" James Potter exclaimed.

Remus nodded and sat next to his boyfriend. He spotted something on the walls of the compartment.

" What's that?" He questioned.

James and Sirius got suspicious smiles plastered to their faces after the question and Peter seemed to get more giddy than before.

" Oh, God why did I even ask?"

" That, my dear Moony, is our initials! We decided to carve them into our compartment so that the Marauders will forever be known to history!"

Remus rolled his eyes, but smiled none the less. He took his wand and engraved the letters that represented his name next to Sirius'.

JFP  
 ** _SOB_**  
 _RJL_  
 **PP**

Sirius grabbed Remus' hand and intertwined their fingers. Remus smiled at the gesture and looked up at James.

He noticed the glint of a badge pinned to the boy's robes. His eyebrows furrowed and he pulled a slight frown.

" Is that what I think it is, James?" He asked with slight confusion.

James looked down briefly at the golden badge pinned to his chest.

" Oh this? It's nothing."

" It's not nothing, Prongs! You're Head Boy! Do you know what this means?" Sirius prompted dramatically.

" That he'll actually do his work and stop terrorizing the Slytherins?" Remus retorted.

" Exactly! He'll stop being a Marauder! Prongs has turned to he dark side!"

" Oi! No I won't! I'll still be the same James Potter! Honestly, I don't understand why Dumbledore made me Head Boy."

Peter nodded his head in agreement whilst Sirius slouched in his seat and pouted.

" M-maybe Dumbledore finally recognized how great you are. Besides, this will give you more time to spend with Lily!" Peter reassured him.

James smiled at the mention of his girlfriend's name.

" You're right! She is Head Girl this year!"

Sirius scooted closer to Remus.

" Oh yes, look at the happy couple! Doing their rounds again tonight instead of hanging out with their friends. I wonder what happened to the Marauders?" Sirius mocked.   
He had a scowl written across his features.

Remus looked at him and sighed. He snuggled up close to his side and pressed and kiss to his temple.

" Don't worry, Pads, that won't happen."

~

The Great Hall was packed, as it always was the first night back to Hogwarts. Students were chatting and the first years played nervously with their new ties.

The headmaster stood up and clinked a fork gently on a goblet. His long silver hair was tucked behind his ears safely with his spectacles sitting there as well. His beard was curling at just about his chest.

"Students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, I wish to give a warm welcome to our new pupils and a grateful greeting to our veterans as well. This year, let us look to our founders for wisdom in these dark times.  
 _Draco Dormiens nunquam titillandus._  
Something many of you have seen over and over agin. The translation, of course, never tickle a sleeping dragon. Advice that may seem obvious and nonsensical, but may indeed prove useful in certain situations."

Then he sat down and with a flourish of his hand, the food appeared before them.  Remus cut into a piece of ham and ate it with a smile on his face. He had missed the delectable feasts and dinners that came with attending Hogwarts.

He turned to his friends and found that Peter was digging into his blood pudding at such a speed Remus was sure he would choke, and James ate spaghetti bolognese whilst nodding along to something Lily was saying.

Sirius, however hadn't eaten anything.

" Pads, you haven't touched your food. Is everything okay?"

Sirius nodded, a wide grin spread across his face.

" Yeah, everything's great actually!"

Remus smiled back and took Sirius' hand in his own.

In all actuality, Sirius did feel fine. He was just a little anxious about what was going on in the Wizarding world.  Like Dumbledore had said, they were in very dark times.

Remus squeezed his boyfriends hand in a reassuring manner.

~

" First prank of the year, boys! Excited?"

" Not as excited as I'll be when my head hits the pillow in my bed tonight," Remus groaned. James shoved him a little and pulled out the map.

" Let's see..." He looked around to see if teachers were nearby.

Peter looked giddy with excitement.

" What's the plan, James?"

" Lets just wreak some havoc!"

Remus rolled his eyes but played along.

" Glisseo!"

Immediately two girls who were walking down the stairs slipped down to the bottom. They gasped when they turned around to find that where they were previously walking had turned into a slide of sorts.

Peter beamed and readied his wand.

" My turn!" He called childishly.

" Avis!"

A flurry of blackbirds, sparrows, doves, finches, and other birds shot out of Peter's wand. Sirius snickered and shook his head as one might do when watching a small child try to perform a hard task.

James clapped his comrade on the back.

" Nice one, Pete."

Just as the boys were getting ready to leave, a very flustered looking McGonagall walked into the corridor.

" What is the meaning of this gentlemen?"She asked sternly. She stared into their eyes and Sirius swore she was looking into their souls.

" We were only having some fun Professor. It's the first day! " Sirius replied.

" It won't happen again?" Peter tried. McGonagall shook her head in disapproval and clicked her tongue.

" You're very right, Mr. Pettigrew. It will not. 15 points from Gryffindor and a detention on Friday night."

" Oh, come on Minne! It's only the first day!"

The professor looked appalled at the nickname Sirius gave her.

" Mr. Black," Sirius winced at the name she called him, " I will see you and your friends on Friday."

She turned to face Remus and James.

" I am very disappointed in both of your behavior. Especially you Mr. Potter. You are Headboy now. Do not forget that!"

She twisted away from them, her emerald robes billowing behind her.

" Oops," Sirius shrugged. Remus chucked and pulled his lover away. He wanted sleep and James and Peter would follow them if they wanted.

" Where are we going? Are you taking me somewhere ris-kay?" Sirius remarked with a smirk.

" No, Padfoot. We are going to bed."

" Awe, why? We were just starting to have fun!"

" Because I'm tired and we already have a detention and it's only the first day! Besides we have class tomorrow!"

" It's out last year, Moony! Lighten up!"

Remus knew the teasing was lighthearted, but he wasn't in the mood.

" You of all people should know that Hogwarts is the only chance I have to be normal! So I'm not going to ' lighten up' because, unlike you, I'm not rich and handsome! I have to work hard to have a life! Especially because of what I am!"

Sirius' smirk seemingly melted off of his face.  
A look of guilt replaced it.

" I'm sorry, Remmy. You know I didn't mean it like that."

Remus huffed and turned back around. He continued walking towards the dorm, although he was no longer holding Sirius' hand.

" I know... Fine, you don't have to come with me."

But Sirius still followed behind him. He ran a little to keep up with his boyfriends long legs.

" Oi! Slow down will you! You've gained a couple inches on me!" Sirius said annoyed.

Remus smiled fondly at the shorter boy. He slowed his paced and laced his long, thin fingers with Sirius' calloused ones.

Sirius hummed an Elvis song as they walked to where they would share a bed that night.

" I really do love you Remus."

" I know. I love you too."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW/ Graphic content ahead
> 
> ( If you are not comfortable reading this skip to the A/N at the end.)

****

September 16, 1978

Sirius waited in a corner of the dark shack, watching silently. He was on edge. His ears perked up and his heightened senses were used to all of their capability. Remus sat in the center of the room with his knees hugged close to his chest. He glanced nervously over to the black dog.

Although Sirius could not see anything in the dark of the room, he could Feel Remus' uneasiness.

_It's Beginning._

A sliver of moonlight peeked through a crack in the aching walls.  Slowly, it crept up until one honey eye was illuminated in the darkness.

There was an unsettling pop. And then a cry of pain.

Sirius did not try to block out the noise because he knew his efforts would be in vain. He had witnessed many times the slow agony of his companion. It was nothing new to him. But, it still made his heart break every time he heard the-

 

_Crack_

 

The light slithered across the contorted body of Remus Lupin. Tears were streaming down his face, every pop, snap, and crack that sounded through the air brought along with it a scream.

A thick liquid pooled out around the body and crawled nearer to the surrounding presence. The sickly metallic smell singed the dog's nose. His ears were graced with the sound of suffering in all of it's glory.

A sob here.

A shrill scream mixed in.

The monster inside the boy clawed at the throat of it's victim. Coming out in every sound that was released. 

Choking on saliva and salty tears that ran down his face, he coughed and spluttered. And soon, a new smell took over.

Vomit.

Swirling and combining with its crimson relative on the floor.

And amongst the mess, there grew new muscles on a body that was no longer his own. Bones Protruded from it's back, nails ripped its skin like a needle that got snagged on a piece of fabric. Its bones snapped as if they were a pencil.

And then, there were no more screams. No more shouts for help that could never be relieved. Instead, there were pants and low growls that resonated into the ears of the onlookers.

A howl pierced the cool air.

It walked slowly over to a lonely stag waiting in the shadows. The stag approached and let the werewolf decipher his scent. Sniffing carefully while its victim stood completely still. It circled around, exploring every scrap of knowledge it could get from scent alone.

It came to the dog next. It seemed to like the dog. Its tongue lolled out of its mouth and licked its jaw. It nipped Sirius' ear playfully. He felt the warm blood trickle down onto his fur. The werewolf lapped it up from the wound.

It seemed to smile at Sirius. But not a friendly smile, no. Its was testing him.

_You think you can handle this?_

_**You're wrong.** _

_You think you're ready?_

_**You're wrong.** _

An unknown feeling bubbled in the pit of Sirius' stomach. No one else seemed to notice. No one else took heed of the warning.

Maybe it was his imagination...

~

The blinding light awoke the boy. He felt alone.

So alone.

Surrounded by the sticky entrails that were once inside his own body. At first, he felt numb. But then the overwhelming pain finished its climb through the nervous system in his body.

He cried out in pain, completely paralyzed. He glanced down at what he knew was his body.

He  _knew_ it was his body, but it didn't look like it.

A white object showed through a silk curtain of skin with crimson accenting it on his arm.

His abdomen, somehow, was no longer intact. It was torn apart at the seams, covered in a dark rusty brown. Still oozing, was its much fresher counterpart.

And his ankles were a painting. Purples and browns growing up his legs like flowers blooming in spring. They were twisted and bent at an odd angle that made the boy cringe.

Suddenly he realized he couldn't breath. Maybe something happened to his throat? His lungs, perhaps?

Or maybe he could no longer handle it?

Maybe his body had given up.

Maybe it was his time to leave for good.

His vision was spotting, fading away.

 

 

_The same way he was._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter we were met with the first transformation Remus had in his seventh year at Hogwarts. I imagine it's hard to portray such a feat in a fictional writing. Especially because the pain that the person obviously suffered was unimaginable and not represented with anything else we humans are familiar with. Everyone has a monster inside them somewhere. For Remus, he has an actual being that rips him apart every month. It takes over him quite literally. I tried to use personification and metaphors a lot to represent the total taking over of the creature. As you might notice, there wasn't a lot to do with the characters, rather, what Remus was becoming . I don't know if I executed what I was thinking in my head well, but this is essentially what I wanted to explain about my thought process during this chapter. I tried to stay vague whilst still explaining what is happening in the plot of the story. Hopefully I did a good job. Let me Know please!
> 
> If You did not read this chapter, comment and I'll tell you what I was hinting at among the Gore. Stay Safe!
> 
> ~S. Danielle


	4. Chapter 4

**_Summer 1978_ **

_" Get out."_

_"What?"_

_" Get out of my house!"_

_" Mother pl-"_

_Watching._

_" You're an absolute disgrace"_

_Waiting._

_" Walburga? What's wrong?"_

_" He's unsalvageable Orion!"_

_Listening._

_" Tarnished! Disgusting!"_

_Thinking._

_" I'm not! I'm fine!"_

_Slap._

_"Please!"_

_Thud._

_" You don't deserve to be here! You're not a Black!"_

_Crack._

_" Shit! Stop, please"_

_" This is what you need. What you deserve!"_

_Red_   
_Thud_   
_Snap_   
_Blue_

_" Cruci-"_

_" No, mother!"_

_" Don't call me that! Now, get out before it gets worse!"_

_The loud sound of an echoing door rang throughout the city. A dark figure emerged, grimacing and limping in pain._

_He pulled out a wand. A sudden flurry of light enveloped him, but just as it came, it disappeared._

_The same time that night, a boy collapsed in front of the Potter manor in Wales.  From afar, he seemed to be a shaking lump of fabric.  Up close, he was sunken eyes, wet cheeks, and cool colors spattered across his skin like Pollock._

_Slowly, he raised himself off the ground and dragged his limbs up the walkway. His feet made a a crunch noise every time he put one on the ground._

_The scene kept playing itself over in his mind, each time more intense. Psychoanalyzing every movement, every word to try to come to a conclusion._

_The door opened before he could knock._

_" Sirius? What are you doing out here? It's freezing out here, you'll catch you're death!"_

_He gave a smile to woman standing in front of him. It was subtle, just a ghost of what should have been._

_"We'll, come inside then. Fleamont, get James up!"_

_Sirius stumbled through the doorway and the woman quickly held him up. She led him to a sofa and plopped him down._

_" You stay there now. I'll be back with some blankets and teac."_

_Just then a tall boy with atrocious hair stepped out of the hall and into the dim lighting. He rubbed his eyes and yawned, plopping onto the couch with a sobbing Sirius._

_" Alright mate?"_

_Sirius quickly wiped his tears away and nodded._

_" Yeah, 'course. I just.... wanted to stop by that's all."_

_James sighed and leaned back into the sofa cushion._

_" I can tell when you're lying, Padfoot. What happened?"_

_" Nothing different than usual..."_

_" Sirius..."_

_" I can't talk about it. I'm too weak."_

_" Sirius, you're not weak."_

_" I am! I'm barely a man! I cry for no good reason and-"_

_He stopped mid sentence and he voice lowered._

_" I'm gay. I'm a freak of nature!"_

_" Sirius-"_

_" Why are you still friends with me? Who wants to be friends with a poof!?"_

_And then he broke out into sobs once more._

_James looked forward awkwardly for a moment, then he pulled Sirius into a hug._

_" Sirius, it doesn't matter that you're gay. I've gotten over that. What really matters is you. You're my brother, Sirius! You don't have to tell me what happened, but I'll always be there for you."_

_" They... They disowned me..."_

_Mrs. Potter walked in the room and wrapped a blanket around the boys. Mr. Potter walked in the room and sat across from them on a recliner._

_He conjured The Daily Prophet with this wand. He harshly pulled it open skimmed the first page._

_He sucked in a breath, " Well, it looks like it's started. Those damn Death Eaters have destroyed another village!"_

_" Fleamont, Please!"_

_Mrs. Potter scolded her husband._

_" My boys have a right to know what's happening in this God forsaken world, Euphemia!"_

_" It's fine Mrs. Potter. He's right, it's better we know."_

_" I don't want your innocence corrupted because of the mistakes of other people!"_

_" Trust me , Mum. Sirius and I can handle it," James said whilst puffing his chest out in confidence._

_" You don't know anything about war, James. You haven't felt that kind of pain!"_

_Sirius caught a glint of tears in her eyes._

_" I won't have my boys going off to war."_

_" Mrs. Potter, I've been to hell and back. I feel some obligation to help out. Those Goddamn Death Eaters won't hurt anyone else like they've hurt me!"_

_The Potter's had never seen such a fire in Sirius' eyes. He had stood up and his hands were balled into fists, nails digging into his flesh._

_" Sirius, honey. I think it's about time you headed off to bed. And please, enough of this 'Mrs.Potter' nonsense! Call me mum."_

_Sirius unclenched his fists and gave Mrs. Potter a hug._

_" Thank you... but this is something I have to do."_

_The two boys headed upstairs and got into the 2 beds that were now set up in James' room._

 


	5. Chapter 5

_**October 29, 1978** _

The 4 Marauders sat in the great hall eating dinner. Remus and Sirius were so close they were almost stuck together permanently. James was reading the Daily Prophet with Peter talking about his recent infatuation with a Hufflepuff girl.

" She always helps me with my charms work and she has great taste in music!"

James laughed while skimming theough the differnt stories.

 

" You mean she likes the Radioactive Goblins too?"

  
" Well no but-"

" Hold on, Pete. Look at this, guys!"

The two lovers brought their attention to the boy with the messy hair.

" Those stupid Death Eaters have killed 5 more people in their recent attack in a small village in Wales! Who do they think they are anyway?"

" Modern day Nazi's I guess," said Peter, looking rather uninterested in the situation.

" Guys, maybe we should talk about this somewhere else?"

Sirius gestured to some slytherins across the room who were giving them a dirty look.

" Who are they Pads?"

" Well, one is Bellatrix but I don't know the other two."

James stood up and pushed his glasses farther up his nose.

" I don't care who they are! If they're supporting those terrorists they don't deserve to be here, ya know?"

" Mate, be still. We don't have to start a fight here!"

James sat down abruptly. Remus suggested the go the the astronomy tower.

On their way down the halls, the boys heard whispering and nervous glances were shot to them.

Sirius and James strutted with false arrogance and Peter tried to follow their lead. Remus, on the other hand, walked with his head down, his fingers playing with a frayed hem on his sweater.

 

_**October 30** ,  **1978**_

_**Midnight** _

Sirius lit a cigarette and offered one to James, who declined. He took a long drag and looked to his boyfriend.

Remus sighed deeply.

" What are you lot thinking about after we get out of here?"

" Well, I'll be with Lily still, I hope. I want to have kids, ya know? Just a big happy family. None of this war crap anymore. That's bouge."

Remus stole Sirius' cig out of his mouth and brought it to his own.

 

" What do you think you're doing, Moons? Those things'll kill you."

 

" You're one to talk. Besides, since when do you care about my health?"

 

" I always have, baby."

 

Remus laughed and blew smoke in Sirius' face.

 

" Don't call me baby."

 

James interrupted their conversation.

" What about you, Sirius?"

 

" Well, I don't really have anything to do." He glanced at Remus Briefly.

 

" I guess, if he wants, me 'n Rem will get a flat together?"

 

Remus took another drag and passed the cig back to Sirius.

 

" Yeah... we'll see."

 

Sirius frowned a bit.

 

" I guess I'll just join some army then. Fight them Death Eaters."

 

" Oh yeah, how's it going with your brother?"

 

" I dunno. I don't see him much," Another drag.

 

Remus wasn't listening. He was thinking about what Sirius had just said.  An overwhelming wave of guilt settled in his stomach. It was better off if they didn't, right?

It was better if he just stayed behind and left Sirius to his own devices.

But was it?

Maybe it would be better for both of them to have someone to depend on.

Remus pulled his hands to his mouth, searching for a cigarette that wasn't there.

" Alright, mate?"

Peter pulled him out of his thoughts with a few words.

" Yeah, yeah. 'M good."

Sirius slung his arms around the shoulders of James and Peter, cig dangerously dangling from his mouth.

" We'll be fine, right boys? We'll be great! Better than Elvis, even."

Remus chuckled deeply.

" You've been drinking, haven't you?"

" Naw, I've been with you the whole time haven't I?"

Sirius hadn't been drinking, he was intoxicated on life, in a way.

His body was jittery and anxious from overthinking. The smoke filled the void temporarily and he tried to focus on here.

On now.

A crack of thunder rolled above the boys. Neither Remus nor Sirius had noticed the absence of movement and sound from their two other companions.

" Bloody tossers are asleep, aren't they?"

" I suppose they are, Siri."

Rain shook down from the sky lightly. The soft sound of it's drops hitting the roof was enough to put anyone to sleep. Remus huddled up to Sirius to gain more warmth.

A bright flash of thunder streaked the sky followed by another drum of thunder.

Sirius shuddered at the bright light that was all too similar to a certain curse.

_Worthless._

The rain got heavier, pouring down in sheaths of water. It sounded like rocks being thrown, pounding onto the roof. It was familiar.

 

_Sirius heard the slow footsteps of his mother's heeled boots creep up the stairway menacingly. He knew that she wasn't happy. Maybe it was the fact that she had told his to turn down his "devil music" down three times now.  Regulus had sent him warning glances earlier that week and perhaps he should have listened._

_Walburga Black opened her eldest son's door  and with a sweep of her wand cut the record player clean in half._

_" Diffindo!"_

_A careless hand movement  brought the spell over to Sirius'  left cheek, slicing deep into his skin. But Sirius had never known his mother to be carless._

_" Listen to me when I tell you to do something."_

_Her tone was threatening._

_The door slammed behind her. Sirius grinned despite his injured cheek, he had once again managed to anger his mother._

Sirius shuddered once again, effectively waking up Remus.

" Sirius, what's wrong?"

" Nothing! Did I wake you, baby?"

Remus shifted under Sirius's hold and stretched his arms.

" I thought I told you not to call me that."

Remus was smiling, however, so Sirius didn't take it to heart.

" Whatever you say, Baby."

That got him a punch in the arm.

He rubbed the sore spot and laughed.

" Alright, I guess I deserved that. Wanna head to bed?"

" What about Prongs and Wormtail?"

" They'll be fine!"

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

_October 31,  1978_

It was common knowledge for all the students at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry that Halloween would be celebrated every year with a party in the Gryffindor tower.  It was also quite well known that the Marauders had never missed any of these parties to date and were not planning on starting any time soon.

The four boys had been collecting supplies from all over the Castle ( and some outside as well) for weeks now. They were determined to throw the best Halloween party that school had ever seen during their last year at Hogwarts. 

James stood on a wooden stool in the common room, a long scroll of parchment unfurled to his feet. He cleared his throat and pushed his glasses up his nose. 

" Ladies and Gentlemen."

Sirius snickered and looked around at the empty room.  He earned a glare from James.

" As I was saying, we all know that this year is our last at this Bloody school and we have to make this party the best of the best. The meilleur des meilleurs, if you will. Wormtail and I have composed a list of items that will make this party the talk of Hogwarts for centuries to come."

Remus tried hard not to roll his eyes. Every year James gave essentially the same speech and he was quite tired of it.

" Get on with it, Prongs!"

" So far we have gathered 394 of these items and we only need 7 more!"

Remus waved his hand to prompt his friend to finish the statement.

" Of course, you lads are probably wondering what these 7 miraculous items are!  Well, we need 3 cakes from the house elves, 2 jugs of butterbeer, a record player, and the firewhiskey that Sirius promised to have."

James sent a pointed look at Sirius who shrugged and gave a sheepish grin.

" Looks like I forgot! Sorry Jamsie-poo!"

The other three boys burst out into a terrifying groan. Remus glared at his boyfriend harshly.

" Come on guys, I'm only joking!"

" You'd better be!" Remus replied.

With a swift wave of his wand, Sirius conjured the liquid in question.

" See? It's right here!"

James grinned and jumped off of the stool.

" Great! Now we can all head to breakfast!"

Peter squeaked in fright at the sudden movement.

" Lets just hope we're not too late!"

 

~

 

The Great Hall was full to the brim of eager students stuffing their mouths with food and admiring the decor. The 4 companions sat down, laughing at something that James had just said. 

Just then, the sound of screeching and hooting filled the room. Owls of all kinds swooped down, dropping projectiles of paper down to the unsuspecting students. An envelope landed right in front of Remus, who jumped in surprise.

 He tore open the letter gingerly.

" Who's that from, Remmy?" Sirius asked, his curiosity getting the better of him. 

" I don't know, Siri. I haven't read it yet," Remus sassed.

He unfolded the parchment and skimmed over the messy scrawl littered over the paper.

 _ **Remus**_ ,

_**Your mother is in St. Mungo's hospital, and I with her. We've tried not to worry you, but we can not keep it hidden any longer. Your mother has the symptoms of some strange disease that the doctors have not identified yet. It was agitated recently and we don't know if she'll make it. Remus, we don't have much time. If your mother does pass, you must promise to live your life and not get involved with those Death Eaters.** _

**_~ Lyall Lupin_ **

Remus gasped. He reread the letter multiple times, trying to pick out more of an explanation as to what was happening.  Tears rolled down his cheek and he wiped them away, frustrated with his parents for not telling him sooner and sad that his mother was dying. Granted, his relationship with his parents had never been all that great since the night he was bitten, but he still loved them. After all, they were the ones that raised him.

Sirius pulled his crying boyfriend close and rubbed his back slowly.

" What's wrong, Baby?"

" My- My mum. S-she's ill and t-they don- know if sh-she'll make it."

" It's okay. Everything will be alright."

He pushed Remus back a bit so he could look at his face.

" Hey, don't cry okay. I know its hard, but why don't we do something to get your mind off it?"

" I don't know Sirius... I just want to go to bed."

" It's Halloween! You can't miss the party! We've been planning for months!"

Remus was quiet. He didn't want to go to the celebration, but he didn't want to disappoint his friends either.

Sirius lowered his voice again.

" Why don't we go for a little bit, and if you're not up for it, we'll go to bed and snuggle. How does that sound?"

Remus sniffed and cracked a small smile.

" You mean Punk Rock™ Sirius Black is willing to snuggle with me?"

Sirius chuckled and pulled Remus in for another hug.

" Of course. I would give up everything for you."

~

It was nearing 8 O'clock, the time that the famous Gryffindor party was supposed to start. The common room was covered in fake spiderwebs and floating jack-o-lanterns. Even the ghosts had left their hauntings to join the party.

This was the night where even " Stuck Up Minnie McGonagall" would spare a blind eye to the rambunctious students and let them enjoy their FireWhiskey and music.

 The boys each had their own ridiculous homemade costumes to wear. James  popped in some obviously fake vampire teeth and wore a cape around his neck, Peter went as Luke Skywalker from that muggle movie that everyone was talking about, Sirius covered himself in flour and hairspray to become a ghost, and Remus splattered himself in fake blood and carried a plastic knife and went as the murderer that killed Sirius. 

Soon there were people trickling in from every house and year in Hogwarts. Nervous first years marveled at the ghosts and glanced at the FireWhiskey suspiciously. The more experienced students, however sauntered in confidently with their friends, cracking jokes along the way. 

Sirius sipped a goblet of butterbeer watching the door intently. His attention was grabbed when Marlene and her girlfriend walked through the painting.

" Marlene! I haven't talked to you in forever!"

Marlene whipped her head around quickly to discover the source of the call. She immediately ran up to the boy and wrapped her arms around his neck.

" Siri! I've been sooo busy lately! I have so much to tell you!"

She dragged him away into a corner to gossip, his butterbeer sloshing dangerously in his hand. He laughed wholeheartedly and allowed himself to be pulled through the room of rowdy teens. 

~

Remus chuckled happily over a cup of pumpkin juice. He was talking to a sweet little Hufflepuff girl who was very enthusiastic. His eyes wandered over her head and caught on the sight of Marlene attached to his boyfriend's neck.

His eyes narrowed slightly, remembering what had happened in his fourth year, but he left them be. He trusted Sirius much more than he did then. Besides, he had heard the numerous stories that were passed from Marl to Sirius because of their friendship, and some of them were very funny.

His attention was brought back to the girl in front of him.

" And then he totally scared the Unicorn away! Can you believe it?"

Remus smiled at her, the joy reaching his eyes. The girl had glitter dusted across her cheeks and had obviously tried to use a potion to change her hair color. Her natural dirty blond hair was peeking through the bright pink exterior.

" I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch your name.."

" Oh, of course! I'm Rose Lea, but you can just call me Rose if you'd like!"

Remus stuck out his hand and she grasped it tightly and gave it an enthusiastic shake.

"Rose... That's a beautiful name. I'm Re-"

" Remus! I've heard so much about you! You somehow keep your grades up all while being a part of the funniest pranksters that Hogwarts has ever seen! That's absolutely incredible!"

Remus stood shocked for a moment before snapping back into reality.

" Oh! Um, thanks, I guess?"

" You're welcome. I know I'm just a immature first year, but if you ever need anything Remus, don't be afraid to ask."

Once again Remus gave a warm smile.

" I won't. Thank you."

Rose smiled brightly and opened her mouth to say something when she heard a shout from across the room. Turning her head, she found one of her best friends waving to her. Rose Lea turned back to Remus.

" Well, it was nice to finally meet you, Remus! I hope you feel better!"

And with those parting words she ran off towards her friend.

Remus sighed and stared into his pumpkin juice. His sad excuse of a fake injury reflected in the shine of the liquid.  James stumbled over to him with quite a few hickies littering his neck.

" Having a good time, James?"

" Loads!"

James slipped a lopsided grin before realising that the smile Remus was wearing wasn't quite right.

"Alright Moony?"

" Hmm? Oh, yeah. I'm fine."

" Mate, you know you can tell me anything right?"

Remus sighed briefly and set down his drink.

" It's just my mum. Apparently she's ill and it could be fatal. I just... I don't know."

James sobered up then.

"It's okay, Moony. If you don't feel up for a party we'll understand. Hey, why don't we head upstairs and talk there? Just the Marauders."

" No, you and Pete stay. I'll get Sirius to join me."

James nodded slowly and patted his friend on the shoulder once more. He walked away to find something else to do and left Remus to his boyfriend.

 

~

 

**_October 27, 1978_ **

_**Ministry of Magic** _

 

 _Lyall_   _Lupin sat at his desk in his office, busily scribbling away at a piece of parchment. Suddenly, a knock sounded at the door._

_" Mr. Lupin? Are you in?"_

_Lyall stood up and opened the door quickly. A man in a top hat stood in the doorway staring at the Lyall with beady eyes._

_He brought out his hand and Lupin met him in the middle. They shared a brief shake before Mr.Lupin stepped to the side to let the other man in._

_" Mr. Pike. It's good to see you again."_

_" And you, Lyall. Enough small talk. I presume you have heard of the man who is calling himself 'Lord Voldemort' ?"_

_" Yes, of course. He's been all over the news with his followers, why?"_

_"Well, assuming you've been keeping up with the news, and because of where you work I would hope so, you know that he has been committing indescribable  acts upon Muggle Born citizens. His behavior is comparable to Grindelwald."_

_" He's a serious threat, then?"_

_" Very," Pike's stone cold expression told Lupin that  this man was nothing to mess around with._

_" Mr. Lupin. I come to you with the very unfortunate news that another Muggle town in Wales has been invaded by the Death Eaters and there are very few survivors."_

_Mr. Lupin nodded solemnly. Then, almost like a tick of a clock,  something clicked in Lyall's mind._

_" Wait, pardon my urgency, Wales?"_

_Pike nodded._

_" What city, may I ask?"_

_~_

_Lyall rushed out of the doors of his office frantically. He made his way over to one of the many fireplaces that surrounded the hall. Wasting no time, he grabbed a fistfull of floo powder and yelled the name of his residence._

_With a confusing woosh of colors and a twisting feeling in his gut he appeared in his home._

_He was met with his wife on the floor, coughing and hyperventilating. She looked at him with pleading eyes. Lupin quickly picked her up in both of his arms. His leg gave out briefly, but he soon regained  his balance._

_He hurried through the door and felt the cool breeze of wind through his greying hair. Smoke polluted air filled his lungs as he ran through the courtyard._

_" Help! Some one help us!"_

_His pleas were to no avail as he realised that similar screams were all around him._

_Out of the corner of his vision he saw  the yellow glint of the eye of a longtime enemy._

 

_Greyback._

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

_November 3, 1978_   
  
  


Sirius Black and James Potter strolled through the dark corridor leisurely. Their polished shoes echoing against the cool stone floors. They were on their way to potions class, the class that James was best at after learning s few tips and tricks from his father. A whispering blew through the hall, passing through the boys' ears. Sirius stopped and looked at James.

He raised his eyebrows in questioning.

Sirius motioned for the taller boy to follow behind him and they briskly walked on muffled feet until they came to a corner.

Dark emerald robes against cold grey barricades . Hushed voices caressed the walls and bounced off of them, reverberating into the ears of the spies. Two Slytherins hid in the darkness, away from the prying eyes of others.

The Gryffindors pressed their bodies tight against the wall and strained their ears to hear the words spilling out of their foes.

" It'll be easy, really, to pick off a few."

" That isn't our job! Simon said to convert them!"

Sirius' ears perked up at the angry voice. The conversation didn't seem a pleasant one.

" I don't see the harm in ridding  _Simon_ of a few nuisances. "

James turned to Sirius with a bored look, not understanding why they were missing a class he was excelling in for this conversation.

" Who the bloody hell is Simon?"

Sirius moved his finger across his mouth in a silencing gesture.

The Black shuffled impossibly closer.

" Look, I have an idea of who we can take. Just be patient and don't do anything rash!"

"But, what if they don't join? They'll try to tell someone. "

A glint of a devious grin flashed under the warm torchlight.

"Well, maybe then, and only then you can do something rash."

James let out a small cough, alerting the Slytherins of their presence. Sirius grabbed his companion's robes and dragged them back towards the potions classroom.

" Hurry you bloody tosser! We'll be caught!"

Luckily the two boys were as light on their feet as they were on their brooms.

~

Slughorn did not much appreciate the sudden interruption of his class when the boys came bursting in late.

Taking their seats on one of the many chipped and faded benches, Sirius and James took out their potions books.

While James concentrated on the dusty chalk writing on the board in the front of the class, Sirius' head was swarming with thought. A taught frown pulling over his skin.

Finally, he unrolled a scrap piece of parchment and scribbled furiously with his quill. The feather circled in the air, dancing a great ballet.

~

A deep thirty minutes into class, James potter sat ,writing in neat scroll, the notes above about the Draught of Peace.

A paper aeroplane hit the back of his messy hair and stuck there. James pulled the disruption from the back of his head and unfolded it quietly.  
  
  


**_Do you think that those Slytherins were Death Eaters? They sounded like they were trying to get people to join their cult._ **

**_~ S.O.B_ **   
  
  


_You're just being paranoid padfoot, I'm sure it was just some random conversation._

_~J.F.P_   
  


**_Think about it! They were being secretive and they were talking about getting rid of nuisances and picking off people who didn't listen to them.  Not to mention that guy's creepy smile at the end!_ **

Just as James was picking up his crimson quill to write a reply, Slughorn strolled past the desk and swept up the note with him.

"Obviously, this note must be very imporant for you to be ignoring this lesson, Mr. Potter. I'm sure you know how useful the Draught of Peace can be?"

James gulped and nodded solemnly.

" Of course, sir."

" Then I'm  sure that you have a perfectly good reason for interrupting the class," Slughorn prompted.

James hesitated and pushed his glasses up his nose.

" Pardon, sir?"

" Well, go on! Tell us what is on the note, Mr. Potter!"

James searched the eyes of his classmates frantically. He was met with bitten back grins and snickers.

" I- I was... It was... personal?"

Slughorn pocketed the note.

" Indeed?  Mr. Potter, I expected better of an esteemed member of the Slug Club. What would your father think of this behavior?"

" I don't know sir."

" Well, I can assure you he won't be pleased."

With a stiff nod the professor walked to the front of the class once more and continued to teach the difficult steps to make the potion.  
  
  


~

After class the two boys made a break for the door. They had one foot out of the classroom when Professor Slughorn called out their names.

" Mr. Potter, Mr. Black!"

The boys froze and turned to face their teacher.

" Yes, sir?"

" I have read your note and can assure both of you that there will be no killing nor recruiting of cult members inside the castle walls, understood?"

James immediately nodded.

"Yes, sir"

Slughorn looked at Sirius for his aproval.

" Mister Black?"

Sirius' eyes changed from thier glazed over look and snapped to attention.

" Huh?"

James stomped on his foot.

" Yes, sir! Of course, sir!"

Slughorn immediately tossed the note in the bin and turned his attention to the copious papers that needed to be graded.

" Good, then you may leave. Oh, and James?"

" Yes, Professor?"

" Don't forget the club meeting tomorrow night!"

James grinned, " Wouldn't dream of it, sir."

~

Sirius watched as the hues of orange and brown fell from the bare tree above. He stared across the field at the first year Slytherins with their chubby faces and excited voices. He prayed that they wouldn't be chosen.

He knew that the Death Eaters liked to pick the weak and vulnerable. They were gullible, the first years, willing to listen to their elders.

A pair of skinny, freckled arms wrapped themselves around his body. He became a ridged board.

" Hello, love. Spying on the snakelets again, I see."

Sirius relaxed at the sound of his boyfriend's honey notes.

" Yeah..."

Remus appeared into his field of view and sat down on the slightly damp grass.

" You sound upset. "

Sirius started to shake his head no.

" You can't lie to me, Pads. Not anymore."

He gestured for Sirius to come closer and the latter clambered onto Remus. He lay his head in Remus' lap while long, nimble fingers combed through his hair.

" What's wrong, baby"

Sirius cracked a small smile at the ridiculous nickname his boyfriend called him.

" Me and James heard two Slytherins talking about something. It's sounded like they were gonna recruit people for something and kill the people who refused.... I think they were Death Eaters, Rem."

Remus hesitated for a moment, just a fraction of a second, but Sirius felt his unease in the pause of his hands.

" Have you told anyone?"

" James isn't worried and Slughorn said there's no way they'll let anything happen, but..."

Remus peered over his lap into Sirius' stormy eyes.

" But?"

" It's nothing, really."

Remus kissed Sirius' temple and continued to stoke his hair.

" Sirius... You're worried about him aren't you?"

Sirius sat up and turned to Remus, mock confusion in his gaze.

" About who?"

Remus shook his head with a sad smile.

" You know who I'm talking about. Your brother, Sirius! The person you love most in the world."

Sirius averted his eyes away from his lover with the amber eyes.

" I-no. I love you more than him...."

Remus laughed a little," Its okay,  Sirius. He's your brother. You're supposed to love him more."

Sirius was silent. It was deafening, somehow.

" Anyway, back to the original problem. You think they'll get to him?" Remus spoke into the silence.

Sirius nodded slowly, bitter words coating the tip of his tongue.

" I'm worried they already have."

It was barely a whisper, but Remus heard it. He heard every word and soaked it in like a sponge. He pulled the other close and held him to his chest.

Sirius heard the beat of a heart. It was very real.

Very

_Human._

~

James strolled through the brightly lit halls of the castle. He whistled some imagined tune, thinking about the conversation he and Sirius had heard earlier.

Maybe Slughorn was wrong. It did seem suspicious the way they were hidden away. The way they spoke of killing another person as if it was nothing more than a game. It angered him.

Why did they treat humans like animals out for slaughter?

He thought of the smile. It unnerved him  
greatly.

He ran a loose hand through his hair, not paying attention to his surroundings. He ran right into a wandering redhead.

" James?"

The afore mentioned perked his head up in surprise.

" Lily? I didn't see you!"

She rolled her eyes.

" Evidently. What are you doing anyway?"

James hummed a response.

" Thinking."

" James Potter thinking?! Oh what has this world come to?"

" That's what I want to know..."

~

When Lily Evans heard the story about the Slytherin boys she promoted many things.

Some too vulgar and inappropriate to ever speak out loud. James had the same hatred and anger bubbling and boiling inside of him.

He vowed that the Death Eaters would never have their way, no matter what.

No matter the sacrifice.


	8. Chapter 8

**_December_ ** **_24,_ ** **_1978_ **

A cold air had washed over Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Snow had started to fall and decorations were floating above heads in every corridor. Remus Lupin was packing his belongings into the wooden trunk he had carried with him since he was 11 years old. There was a new sticker on it. ' Professor R. J. Lupin' it read. It was an early Christmas gift from his friends. They always joked that he would be professor some day.

Remus felt a pair of muscled arms wrap around his waist. Long black hair tickled his face and lips pressed sweet kisses to his neck.

" Hello, Sirius."

" I'm going to miss you. Are you sure you can't come to the Potter's house with us?" The boy asked him without removing his face from the crook of Remus' neck.

Remus laughed and shoved the boy away.

"I know, I'll miss you too, but I have to visit my mum and dad."

Sirius sighed and pulled Remus closer to him. "I Know. I love you."

Remus kissed the boy in front of him.

"I love you too. Now let me pack!"

He hit Sirius on the shoulder with a worn scarf. Sirius lifted his hands in surrender and backed away.

"Alright, well I'll be downstairs with the boys. Come down if you need anything, okay?"

Remus nodded and turned back to his packing. To say he was worried about his parents was an extreme understatement. The bags under his eyes grew larger every day after another sleepless night. His mum was ill and his dad worked  in the Ministry of Magic.  He probably indirectly came in contact with the Death Eaters that destroyed cities every day.

The lycanthrope finished packing and sent his luggage to wait with the others with a wave of his wand. He made his way downstairs to have fun with his friends one last time before Christmas break.

~

After the long train ride, Sirius and James met up with the Potter's at King's Cross Station. They apparated back to the homey mansion in which they resided. The house elves were busily hanging decorations and installing the glorious tree that sat in the living room. Mrs. Potter sat the boys down in the kitchen and stuffed them full of holiday ham and mince pies. She insisted that they test her new recipes before everyone came over.

Finally, they were released to their rooms, stomachs bursting at he seams from all the salty and sweet treats they had eaten.

James plopped on his bed and Sirius sat down beside him.

" So, what are you hoping to get for Christmas, James?"

" I just want to spend some time with everyone before this stupid war takes over everything."

" Awww is James Potter getting soft," Sirius teased. James threw a pillow at him.

" Shove off!"

In all honesty, Sirius was shocked at that answer. Just last year, James would've asked for the fastest broom available or tickets to see The Weird Sisters live at the HollyWitch Theatre. The war had caused the boy to mature much too quickly for Sirius' comfort. He was used to the carefree prankster that was confident to a point of arrogance, not the grave and compassionate man he was becoming.

" That's nice and everything, mate, but that's hard to wrap, innit?"

" You don't have to get me anything, Pads."

" Who are you and what have you done with my best mate James Potter?"

They laughed, carefree. The holiday spirit was in the air and James got what he wanted that day.

~

Remus got off of the scarlet train and quickly apparated to his house. The woozy feeling came soon after, but he brushed it off and opened the old rickety door. He didn't notice that the neighborhood was strangely quiet, or that half the buildings looked as if they'd been set on fire.

The house was quiet, and Remus noticed that a layer of dust has settled on all of the furniture. Luggage was by the door, looking as if it were hastily packed.   
Remus looked around in confusion, slowly making his way through each room. It was the same in every one. A cup of tea lay untouched, a book left open as if someone were still reading it. In the kitchen, the stove still had its flames flickering. He wondered how nothing had caught fire. He turned it off.

In the living room, nothing looked as if it had changed. Remus felt his foot hit something that wasn't usually there. He looked down and gasped at what he saw.

There, with his face contorted in horror, was Lyall Lupin, dead. Remus knelt down and inspected his body. It was covered in scratches and bites as if it had been mauled by a wild animal. Upon checking it further he found that the bite marks were similar to the ones he found on himself every month.

They were werewolf bites.

~

Sirius and James were sitting in the living room, discussing what to give their friends for Christmas, when they heard a knock at the door.

" Boys! Could you get that for me?"

" Yes, Mum!"

Sirius stood up and opened the door. Remus stood in front of him with a strange expression on his features.

" Remus? What are you doing here?"

" My Dad... he's..."

" He's what?"

" Dead."

Sirius was taken aback by this statement.

" It's so strange, Sirius. I don't feel sad. I feel like I should, but I don't."

" It's okay, Remus. Maybe it's just the shock. Why don't you come in."

" I sure hope so," Remus muttered under his breath. He followed his boyfriend inside and sat down on the Sofa.

" Remus! What are you doing here?"

" Well, I went home and I found my father dead on the floor."  
  
The cheerful mood became grave very quickly.

" What? Do you know why?"

" It looked as if he'd been eaten alive by a werewolf."

" You don't think it has anything to do with that psycho, Voldywart or whatever his name is, do you?"

" I think so. The whole town was abandoned and burnt to a crisp."

Sirius sat behind Remus and wrapped his arms around him.

" Oh, Rem. I'm so sorry."

" It's not your bloody fault is it?"

Sirius hung his head in shame.

" Sorry, Siri, I didn't mean to shout."

" It's alright Rem."

Remus relaxed into Sirius' arms and lay his head on the other boy's shoulders.

" I'd just like to enjoy this Christmas before it's too late."

" Do you want to go see your mum?" James asked while playing with a loose thread on his pajamas.

" I don't think I can handle that right now, Prongs."

James nodded in understanding and suddenly perked up a little.

" Lily will be here soon! Then we can decorate the tree and drink butter beer and hot coco!"

Sirius tolled his eyes but smiled warmly at the prospect.

" James Potter is such a sap now, isn't he Remmy?"

Remus nodded in agreement and they all laughed.

~

Soon, there was a knock at the door and, sure enough there stood Lily Evans in all her glory. Her nose was tinted pink and her eyelashes were dusted with snowflakes. James answered the door with an award winning smile!

" Guys, Lily's here! And look, it's snowing!"

" No Shit," Lily shivered, pulling her jacket tighter to her body, "Now let me in!"

James stepped aside and let his girlfriend enter.

"So, what're you hooligans up to?" She asked while putting her now wet jacket up on the coat rack.

" Nothing, really. We were waiting for you so we could finally start the  holiday traditions," Remus replied.

" Yeah, you took your sweet time, didn't you Evans?" Sirius remarked with a smirk on his face.

He received a snowy scarf across his face in return.

"Shut up, you Bloody wanker!"

She sat down across from the other couple on a ruby red loveseat and James joined her. She scowled at him, but snuggled up to his chest none the less.

The rest of the night was filled with laughter and singing as the group hung delicate ornaments on the tree.

" Look! Here's one that James made when he was a baby!" Lily cooed at the small  ceramic handprint suspended in time.

They ate a grand feast of ham and potatoes and after, they all curled up by the fireplace. Lily was amazed that none of them had seen movie classics like  _A Christmas Carol._

~

In the morning Sirius woke Remus up with morning kisses on his face. But they weren't regular kisses.

Remus pushed the big black dog off of him.

" Ew, Padfoot. That's disgusting!"  
  
The dog sat on the bed with a grin on his face and his tongue lolling out of his mouth.  
He shifted back into his human form.

" Come on, Rem! It's Christmas!"

Just then Lily came bursting in, wearing the most hideous Christmas sweater Remus had ever seen.  James trailed behind, looking defeated as, he too, wore an extravagantly ugly sweater depicting a very strangely decorated Christmas tree.

" Wake up, love birds! We've got presents to open and cookies to decorate!"

Remus rubbed the sleep out of his tired eyes.

" Alright, Alright! I'm up!"

" Kids! Breakfast is ready!"

The smell of eggs, toast, and baked beans wafted through the air and the quartet of Hogwarts students ran downstairs to indulge in Mrs. Potter's delicious breakfast ( that she made with the help of house elves, of course).

After stuffing themselves full of blood pudding, they went into the living room to exchange the gifts they had gotten one another.

James got a book on manners from  
Lily along with a nice looking winter coat. Sirius got James a grooming kit for the new Quidditch broom that his parents had gotten him.  Remus gave him a book called " How to Write an Outstanding Essay in Only 2 Hours" along with a foam red nose.

" So you'll look like Rudolf!"

Remus got a set of books from Lily that she had been recommending to him all year. From James, he received a new set of multicolored pheasant feather quill pens. And Sirius got him a spiked collar. That gift made Remus turn a brilliant shade of red when he opened it.

Sirius got a new pair of biking gloves and a vial of Mr. Potter's famous hair elixir from James, Lily got him an Elvis record, and Remus said that " You'll get your gift later tonight," along with a wink.

This time it was Sirius' turn to blush.

" Aw, come on guys! I just washed those sheets!" James sighed.  
The rest of the group found that hilarious which caused James to pout.

~

After an exciting day of snowball fights and eating, the group said their good nights and went to bed in their respective rooms.

Remus sat by the window, admiring the stars when someone tapped on his shoulder. He turned to find Sirius standing with his hands behind his back.

" Alright?"

Instead of answering Sirius held out a small box in front of him.

" Merry Christmas."

Remus looked up in disbelief.

" But you already got me a gift."

" That was just a gag gift. This is the real present."

Remus took the small box and opened it carefully. Inside there were two small silver bands. Each had a small engraving.

 _You are my moon_


	9. Chapter 9

_**January 7, 1979** _

_**Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry** _

A fire flickered in the stone fireplace in the Gryffindor common room. Remus Lupin stared into the yellow flames that licked up the sides of it's cage. He was squished up against his boyfriend, whose hands were weaved into Remus' curly locks of hair. Sirius was laughing at a joke that someone had said, but it sounded distant, almost as if it were underwater. 

_" Remus."_

He was coming to the surface. He saw their mouths moving, but he couldn't hear.

_" Remus? Are you okay?"_

He came out of his thoughts, up for breath. Maybe he wasn't drowning after all.

" Moony?"

Remus shook his head and snapped his attention to where he had heard the voice. Everyone's eyes were on him, boring into his mind with concerned glances. He smiled a little and kissed his boyfriend. 

" I'm okay."

" Hey, why don't we owl St. Mungos and see if we can go and visit your mum?"

Remus nodded slowly, grateful to have such caring people in his life. He conjured up a quill and some ink, as well as spare piece of parchment. The sound of the scratching pen against the scroll when he wrote soothed Remus' ears, if only for a minute.

He folded up the paper and sealed it with scarlet wax. Sirius stood up and reached down to pull Remus onto his feet. The lycanthrope took the outstretched hand and used his boyfriend's strength from hours of quidditch practice to haul his bodyweight into an upright position.  Sirius gripped his arm tightly, not wanting to ever let go.

_Tight_

_Tighter_

"Sirius!" 

Sirius let go quickly and apologized sheepishly. 

" Lets go."

The boys weaved through the echoing halls together, yet separate, each man in their own thoughts, only connected through linked hands. The hooting of owls grew ever closer as they grew nearer to the owlery. The big wooden door held impending doom for Remus, he wasn't sure if he wanted to hear back from St. Mungos. The fear of what the reply could hold reeled through his brain.

Sirius was momentarily pulled out of his own anxiety ridden thoughts when he noticed the mask that his lover was using to cover his true anticipation.  He squeezed the hand that was in his own for reassurance.

" You'll be okay."

Remus tried not to think about the fact the Sirius never mentioned his mom, never said that  _she_ would be okay.  And, Remus didn't know if he would be okay, he didn't find comfort in the words that spewed automatically from Sirius' mouth. 

The birds greeted the two with friendly hoots and Remus found himself drawn to their cheerful demeanor. He brought his long finger up to a particularly ruffled owl, letting it nip the appendage affectionately. Sirius silently took the folded letter from his boyfriend's unoccupied hand and tied it to the leg of an owl. He whispered the desired destination to it and watched as it flew off over the forbidden forest until it was no longer visible in the vast grey skies. He turned to watch Remus once again, wrapping his arms around the torso of the aforementioned. Remus' eyes gazed into the owl's, but he was not paying attention to what was happenings in his surroundings.

The small creature nipped a little too violently than intended and a speck of blood pooled on Remus' pale skin. He drew his attention to the wound and inspected it with hazy vision. He was back underwater.

_" Remus? Moons, can you hear me?"_

_Yellow eyes glinted in the moonlight. They grinned at Remus, and rushed off deeper into the darkness. Suddenly, they were there again, hovering over a body on the ground. There was blood, so much blood, and Remus couldn't tell whose corpse lay on the ground. Eyes open in fear, they stared at the creature looming above. He smiled down at his destruction and turned his gaze back to Remus._

_" Who are you?" Remus asked, for he wasn't sure if what he saw was a vision of someone else or a reflection of himself._

" Remmy, Baby. Come back to me."

Sirius watched, concerned, as Remus continued to stare at the blood, eyes glossed over and his brows cinched together. He took Remus' hand in his own and kissed the blood away.

" Remus, please look at me."

Remus snapped his eyes to look up at Sirius. He hugged him strongly and buried his head into Sirius' chest. He started to shake and soon his sobs became audible. Sirius gripped Remus and rubbed his back, whispering soothing words into his ears.

" You're okay, you'll be okay."

The position was somewhat more awkward than it once had been, considering that Sirius was much shorter than Remus, but they made it work. Holding on to each other, neither willing to let go. Remus muttered into his lover's chest, words that scared them both.

" How do you know? I'm breaking apart, Sirius."

" I know, God, I know. But, for now you're still intact, and you have me to pick up the pieces of you that break away."

Remus continued to sob for a long while, Sirius comforting him the whole time. Stereotypes of being manly flew out of the window as the two boys revelled in each other's presence. Sirius hooked his arms under his boyfriend's legs and hoisted him up. Remus gasped and clung to Sirius' neck instinctively.

" What are you doing?!"

He started to giggle as Sirius started sprinting down the stone halls. He started to weakly smack Sirius in the chest, small laughs and sniffles escaping his mouth. Sirius smiled widely as he carried his boyfriend through the huge castle.

Sirius stopped dead in his tracts for only a moment when he thought that he spotted his brother in another corridor. He squinted his eyes to try to make out who Regulus was talking to. His eyes landed on Antonin Dolohov who was convincing Regulus of something. His eyes darted around as he was speaking, as if he were expecting someone to come around the corner at any second. Dolohov was known to be an affiliate with supporters of Voldemort, but it was not certain if he was indeed a " Death Eater" as they called themselves.

Suddenly, Dolohov met Sirius' eyes and started toward him. The moment of relaxation in Sirius' pace was very quickly terminated and he continued to sprint, somehow faster than before, towards the Gryffindor Tower. Much to Sirius' pleasure, the boy in his arms had not noticed the lapse of Sirius' pace, nor did he notice the Slytherin that was watching them pass.

When they finally arrived at the portrait of the fat lady, Sirius put Remus down and kissed his forehead. He mumbled the password and Remus thought the lack of enthusiasm was simply because Sirius was out of breath. His giggles were finally subdued when the walked into the common room once more.

_**January 9, 1979** _

_**2:30 pm** _

Sirius Black wandered on the grounds of Hogwarts, scanning scattered students for a face he hadn't seen in a long time. He hoped that the boy he was searching for was alone. He desperately wanted to talk to him.

He found his brother under a tree, reading a book. The scene reminded Sirius of the times where Regulus would spend hours reading fairy tales in the vast gardens of the Black Manor. He slowly approached the new heir and cleared his throat. The younger boy put down his book and Sirius took note that is was a book on cave systems.

" Reg?"

" What do _you_ want?" He spit the words out like venom.

" I was wondering if we could talk?"

Regulus sighed and set his book down in the grass.

" I really shouldn't be talking to you."

Sirius slipped a small smile. That meant his brother was cracking.

" Come on, Reg! We're family."

"  _Were_ family. You stopped being my brother the day that you decided to live with," He paused as if he didn't want to say what came next, " The Potters."  
  


Sirius sat down next to his brother, who scooted away ever so slightly.

" I didn't have a choice Regulus. Mother and Father disowned me. I had nowhere to go!"

A scowl appeared on Reg's face. " You could've rented a flat! And even if you didn't, you could've still kept in touch with me."

" Do you really think they would let you receive letters from me? I'm a disgrace, a blood traitor!" He mimicked the words he had heard them say so many times.

Regulus scoffed.

" I didn't want them to hurt you like they hurt me, Reg..."

" I can take care of myself! I'm not your baby brother anymore, Sirius!"

The outburst shocked both of them. Regulus had always been the calm, reasonable one. He hardly ever screamed like that.

" I'm sorry, you're right. I should've talked to you. But that's not why I came to talk to you."

Regulus raised his eyebrow, promoting Sirius to continue.

" I just wanted to make sure that you weren't joining them."

"Who is them, Sirius," He sighed, " You're going to have to be more specific than that."

" That crazy Voldemort fellow, y'know, ' The Death Killers' ."

Reg once again scoffed, " It's the Death Eaters, imbecile."

Sirius rolled his eyes and his hands clenched into fists, " Okay, well you're not joining them, right? I saw you talking to Dolohov the other day an-"

" Were you watching me? I should've known. Stop meddling with my life, it's none of your concern."

" It is my concern, Reg! Don't you see? Those guys are bad business. You could get hurt- They could _kill_  you!"

Sirius resisted the urge to scream French expletives at his brother.

" And why do you care? You never seemed to care about me before."

" I'm sorry, Reg. I'm sorry that I left you with those monsters, but I still love you. You'll always be my brother, Regulus. I thought you knew that."

" Well, you presumed incorrectly. Now, If you'll excuse me, I have a meeting to attend."

He stood up abruptly and then he was gone. Sirius sighed and put his head in his hands. He groaned and sat there for a while, before standing up and heading to the Great Hall for supper.

~

There was a strange screeching from above, the students looked up to see a lone owl with a small letter attached to its legs.

" That's strange, they usually come in the morning." Inquired a 4th year student.

Remus thought it was queer, indeed. The owl flew right over his head and dropped the letter, sending it directly for his pudding. Remus quickly moved the dish out of the way before the haywire piece of paper would get mucked. It landed safely in front of him and he picked it up, turning it around in his hands.

" What's it say, Moony?" Peter questioned with his face stuffed full of mash.

" It's from St. Mungos."  
  


Sirius had a puzzled look on his face.

" I thought they would've already responded by now."

Remus shook his head slowly, and started to work on the seam of the envelope. He stared at the black ink for a while before any of the words actually got comprehended into his brain. Each letter was precisely written, almost if it were artificially made.

_Dear Mr. Lupin,_

_We regret to inform you that Hope Lupin is no longer with us. She passed on December 23, 1998 at 12:28 AM. We are dreadfully sorry for your loss. There is address below in which you can inquire about a funeral service and what to do with Mrs. Lupin's remains._

_Regards,_

_St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries_

Remus hands started to shake as he reread the letter over and over, word for word.

" Not again."

He said it almost inaudibly, no one else heard his cry of distress.

_Help._

_Help me._

" What does it say, Rem?"

It should've been a harmless question, but it sent Remus flying from his seat. His long legs carried him out of the Great Hall faster than they ever had before. Sirius was soon to follow, silently trailing behind. He didn't call out for fear of bringing more unwanted attention to the situation.

~

Remus burst out of the castle and sat on the steps, not mustering any more energy to progress forward. He placed his head in his knees, his vision blurred. Then the tears started to pour.

He felt someone sit beside him and pat his back. He looked up, but he did not expect to see the person who was sitting beside him. He looked so familiar, yet not at all. He had a sharp jawline and the same silver-blue eyes that he was so used to. The black hair was the same, but it was much shorter than Sirius. But, most of all he looked much younger. No wrinkles from smiling or crying were on his face.

Remus watched Sirius' younger brother awkwardly try to comfort him in his pain.

" You're Remus, right? I'm Regulus. I don't believe we've met."

Remus laughed a little.

" Trust me, I know who you are. Your brother talks about you all the time."

The boy cracked a small smile.

" Funny, he used to talk about you all the time too."

There was a silence and Remus couldn't tell if it was peaceful or if it made it hard to breathe. Eventually he broke the silence.

" He loves you a lot, you know. I know that what happened between you was tough, at least it was for him, but he still loves you so much."

" I know. It took me a while to realise. I love him too, I think. Will you tell him?"

Remus nodded his head, " You know, sometimes I wish I had a relationship with my family like you two do."

Regulus smiled and placed a hand on Remus' shoulder.

" Someday you will I think. You and Sirius seem so in love, someday I think you'll make great parents. Much better than mine."

And with that statement he got up and left.

Sirius came bursting out of the castle doors, out of breath.

" There you are! I've been looking all over!"

" Why didn't you just use the map?"

Sirius shoulders dropped and he looked defeated. " I don't know," He sat down next to Remus, "Are you okay?"

Remus nodded, " I am now. Still sad, but someone talked some sense into me."

Sirius felt a pot of jealousy start to boil, but he pushed it down.

" Who were you talking to?"

Remus smiled and leaned into Sirius.

" Your brother."

The boiling stopped and was replaced with confusion.

" My brother?"

" Yeah," Remus laughed a little, "He's not great at comforting people, but he's nice."

Sirius hummed and leaned his head on top of his boyfriend's.

" He told me that he loves you."

" Really?"

There was a crack of thunder and clouds loomed above their heads. Water started dripping, slowly at first, but quickly picking up speed.

" Yeah. You two are lucky to have each other."

" I suppose we are, but the marauders are our family, Rem. Don't forget that ."

" I won't"

The two boys sat in the rain until they shivered and were sopping wet. Blue lips kissed, and although there was water all around, neither one felt as if they were drowning.


	10. Chapter 10

_**March 29, 1979** _

_**Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry** _

Remus Lupin sighed into the lonely atmosphere of the common room. His breath formed a white cloud as he exhaled into the cold air. Papers lay askew on the table out in front of him. Some from various classes, and others, paperwork and pamphlets for flats listed throughout the country. It was common for kids his age to be looking for places to stay, after all no one wants to stay with their parents forever, but in Remus' case the situation was rather taxing. Of course he wanted to move out eventually, but he hadn't expected the choice to be made for him so soon.

The search for an apartment was a futile attempt to cover the pain he was in. He knew that there was no way for him to get a job that could pay for rent with his lycanthropy. Even thinking about the subject sent shivers through the boy's core. His aches after moons were growing more painful, the agonizing weight bearing down on him that each day may be his last. The essays he was once so fond of lay unwritten, motivation draining out of him, its value comparable to the moonlight he so despised.

Why should he write them if he knew there was no point? Mcgonagall had already talked about him about the future,as was mandatory per every student at Hogwarts. The discussion was simple and didn't last long; it wasn't as if the poor woman could lie to him. He knew what was to come of his fate. She just stared at him with that look of pity that he had grown used to, the one he hated. A growl erupted in his soul when he saw that gaze, but he forced it down, just like he always had.

And now, looking at the numerous assignments that had accumulated over time, Remus wondered how he got himself in this situation. Even Sirius had significantly less homework than he had. N.E.W.T.s were coming up soon and the overhanging cloud of despair was spreading ever larger. Everyone claimed it was the most important test of their lives, but Remus felt that life was a hard enough test on it's own.

The portrait swung open, shattering the bubble of disheartenment that Remus created around himself. He quickly scrambled to hide the clutter that he was attempting to organize. It just so happened to be Sirius that walked in, his face lit up when he saw Remus sitting in his chair.

" Rem! I've been looking for you!" He sat down beside him, and Remus reluctantly made room for his boyfriend to sit next to him. Sirius immediately noticed the lack of enthusiasm and he scoured for it's source. In a futile attempt to lighten the mood, Sirius joked, as he always did.

" You've got a lot of homework, huh? Looks like someone finally got a taste of his own medicine."

Remus cringed, trying to mask discomfort with smile.

" Indeed, so if you don't mind, I'd like to try to get some of it done before you hooligans distract me."

" Well, I could always help you."

Remus considered making a sarcastic remark regarding intelligence or work ethic, but he desperately needed help. He nodded and allowed Srius to look over the diverse spectrum of assignments that he had neglected.

Sirius recognized the pain in Remus' eyes. He saw the tired smiles and shattered soul, so he didn't make anymore jokes; and Remus was grateful for that.

Together they pushed through the mountain of neglected homework and both were immensely glad when it was over. Sirius pulled Remus into a hug and pressed a quick kiss to his forehead.

" If you ever need help with anything, don't be afraid to ask, okay?"

Remus nodded, feeling guilty that he probably wouldn't keep that promise.

" And that includes this," Sirius pulled out one of the flyers for a small flat in Wales that Remus had shoved under the couch cushion.

" Oh, you found that.." Remus sighed and wracked his brain for a possible explanation.

" Please don't lie to me Remus, I'm tired of the lies. From both of us."

" I'm sorry. You're right. I- I know I don't have much time left and I'm trying to find somewhere to stay, but I know it's a lost cause."

" I know you think that you're fading, but I don't think you are. I know you, Remus, you're a fighter. And as for the place to stay, I'll take care of you. We can get a flat together."

Tears started to pour from the mist. Remus buried his head in his boyfriend's chest.

" You keep saying that, but you don't know how this feels! It's not going to get better! I'm not going to bring you down with me Sirius! I just can't...."

" The day you bring me down, is the day that my mother tells me she loves me, it's never going to happen."

Remus let out a pitiful laugh and lifted his head to look into those cool blue-grey eyes. He placed a quick kiss on Sirius' lips and snuggled back into him. His grip was tight and both boys knew why, but were too stubborn to admit their fear of letting go.

~

The once warm and comforting feeling of the arms of another's embrace soon became hot and stuffy. Why was it that Sirius felt suffocated by this love that he thought he felt? Was it so impossible that someone could love him?

He pried the arms off of his body, slowly releasing himself from this prison. It was so terribly cliche, and Sirius hated it.

_" Pourquoi moi?"_

He laughed at himself. He decided that he would leave his sleeping companion to his own, knowing that he, himself would never get to sleep. Not when the dark clouds crowded his brain.

Mindlessly walking through the planes of existence, forming the trees and dirt that was around him. He wasn't thinking about where he was going, snapping out of his trance-like state when his old, worn out shoes stepped into a puddle. The water soaked through, making his foot chilled to the bone. He watched in silence.

_"Mon coeur qui bat est Noir,_

_Je sens tout mais rien du tout."_

" Is that French? Oh that language is so romantic!" 

Sirius whipped his head around like a bullet, spying a young and beautiful girl staring up at him with bashful eyes. He smiled at her, although it was a sad smile, she didn't notice. He took her soft face in his hands.

_"Ce n'est pas romantique du tout, c'est la langue la plus violente que je connaisse."_

She cooed in response, like a pail dove being controlled by the dismal wind.

" Oh! What does it mean?"

Sirius let go of her and turned away.

" It means that you are beautiful and you shouldn't waste yourself on such fools like me."

Then he walked away, not waiting for any response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heres the translation of the French:   
> Why me?  
> My beating heart is Black,  
> I feel everything yet nothing at all.  
> It isn't romantic at all, it is the most violent language I know.


	11. Chapter 11

_May 20, 1979_

_Sirius swam in the warm water of the great lake, the sound of his friends vaguely echoing around him. Remus was splashing around in the green clear water. Regulus swam up next to him._

_" Siri! Play time!" The young boy shouted out in glee. His chubby five year old fingers reached out and grabbed at Sirius. Sirius smiled and picked Regulus up in his arms, spinning him around. Water droplets flew off of his legs and he giggled in pure joy. Sirius let him go and the boy paddled in the water._

_Suddenly Reg's arms stopped flowing in a natural rythm, but began to flail in a panic._

_" Sirius, he can't swim!"_

_He wasn't sure who had said it, perhaps it was Remus._

_" He was just a minute ago!"_

_" No! No, he can't swim!"_

_Sirius frantically swam over to Regulus. They screamed, both of them. In terror for the same reasons. The more Sirius swam, the more Regulus faded away. A snake wrapped himself around the toddler's waist and pulled him under the now dark and murky water._

_" Reg! Reg! No, NO!"_

_"Sirius! Help, help me!"_

_Now it was Remus. No, James. No, it was Peter, definitely Peter. They were calling his name, all at once._

_"Siri-HELP- Ple-_ _H̴̥̪̓E̸͍̟̅͊l̷̖͗̐p̵̪̈́-̴̬̂̚ͅ ̵͍͐_

_Ṣ̷́̋ì̴̗͎̂r̴̛̼í̶̻͚̀,̶̮̄̅_ _Sirisss_ _̸̘͑̌Ṕ̵̥L̸͈̺͊e̶͍͑̀ͅę̸̼̈ĕ̸̬̫e̶̛͔̥̓A̸̬͋̑s̶̭͎͝s̶̨̊̍e̴̪͝,̶̭̿ ̵͚̲͆̈́_

_T̵̢̞͂h̸̲̓̕e̷̺̍ ̴̛̩š̷͎͎͝n̷̠̉͒a̴̢̔ḳ̶͕͑e̷̹̥̎͆,̴̢̩̅̏_ _SNNNNa_

̶̛̛̞͕̫͗͂̽̋̚  
  
  


į̶̤͔͉̱̱̰̹́͗ͅt̸̨͚̻͚̪̖̙͛͑̀́͑̄̅̍̄͊̾̔͐̋̄̒s̴̛̫͎̍͂̆̾̅͌͗͑̆̏̈́͘͝͝͝ ̶̭̥̗̦͖͙͆̓̈̃̅̾͆̚̚g̷̢̲̝͚̠͙̟̠̩̭̻͓̹̺̭͓͛̎ͅg̵̛̥͉̽̀͑̈͑̅̄̋̋͒͛͒̒͝g̴̡͈̗͔͇͕̝͌̍͗̎.̸͎͇͈̳̦̌͌̿̄.̵̡̘͔͚͈͍̰͖̫̲̗̿̉.̸̧̥͕͖̙̱̗͒̊.̸̛̳͔̙̤͙̋̃̒̽̀͆̏̑͛̾͠ ̵̭͓̳̭͆̅ͅH̷̓͐̓̄̏͛͂̂̆͋̃͒͘͜͠͝͝͝g̶͖̻͈͕̩̮̫̰͆̀̓͋̐̒̓̾̕̚͘͝e̸͚̞͈͉̗͍͉̓̇̈́̊̊̿̀̒͆͑̊͘͝͝͝l̷̢̡̧̦͈̟͍̉͗̆͜p̸̥̝̣̜͇̞͓̫̬̹͔͚͓̩̰̫̓̈͜ ̶̧̥̙̟̩̙̲̜̟̓̊̒̒͆̈́̓͠ţ̷̱̠̠͕͚̈̀̂̾̋̈́̆̈́̽͒͝͠ǫ̴̘̫̤͙̤̫͎͙̞̳̻͓͓̾̾͒̋̈͌͋̕͜͝ͅ ̵̢̡̜̗̬͇̖͍͚͊g̵̨͙̯̰̫̟͚̻͎̤̣̪̙̣̠̫͕͋̈́̊͆̉̒̀͌̓̍̋̆̇̇͛ͅe̸͖̥͚̦̟̰̰͍͉̣̘̲̔̈́̂̓̊̊͐͊̓̏̊̿̾̽̚͘͜ẗ̵͓̙̥͎͍̪́̓̏̒,̴̛͇͉̯̥̥̝̺̮̼̰̍̈̒̋͋̽̓͆̅̉͒͆̑̈̿ͅ ̶̨̨̘͓̮̠̠͍̥̝̪͉͘Ȕ̸̧̱͓͓̻͓͕̞͕̱̘͕̐͆̓̑̃̀͑̄͌̄̓̈́͛̇̒͘ͅS̶̞͍̺̜̜͉͔͙͋ ̷̛̛̟̟̣̱͚̝͇̼͇̗̬̦̗̳̖̥̖͑͋̇͒̀̽̅͆̒̊̐͛̓͂̚͘͜ ̴̓͑̍͜"̷̡̟̟͇̤̠͍̪̦̤͈̘͚͔͗̅͐͛͗̂͝ͅͅ  
  
  
  


_Then it was Black. Glowing green eyes peered at him, they could see his_ _Ŝ̵͓̃O̴̬̞͑U̶͎͐͜L̷̻̺͋͋_ _. They were Regulus' eyes. No, they were the snake's?_

_s̷͙̄n̶̫̟͂a̶̤̒k̶̮̉͝é̵̛̖_?̵̭̝̒

_Why was there a snake? He felt something grab at his ankles. It was Remus. And James. And Peter. They were dead, but also alive. Their flesh crawled with black slugs, pale and sickly green._

_" SSSSSSSirius, help. Mummy and Daddy, they need our help," The snake spoke in his brother's voice. " Only he can sssstop the snake. The Sn_ Ä̵̭̎ͅ ̶̳͑̊k̸̘̮̚ ̴̘͎̈̈́E̷̜̤͒ṣ̸̼̉s̸͕̯͒̐s̷̪͇̊!"

Sirius woke, his forehead damp with sweat. He gripped his palms together, they were wet. He looked down at them.

 _BLOOD_.

He screamed. James woke and sat up straight in bed.

" Sirius, what the bloody hell?"

He couldn't stop screaming, there was blood everywhere. Was it his?

" Sirius? Sirius! What's wrong?"

" Who's? Snake! Blood, blood, blood! Too much, James, help!"

James ran over to Sirius' bedside, searching for the issue.

" Sirius, whatever you're on about, it was just a dream."

" No! No, can't you see it! The blood! Its on my hands, my bed," He touched his face in horror, "My face! It's on my face!"

James gripped his shoulders and shook him violently, " Snap out of it! There's nothing on you but sweat! There is no blood, Sirius!"

Then it was gone and James was right, there was no blood.

" Are you alright?"

" I saw it, it was real," He muttered under his breath, " I'll be fine. Will you give me some space?"

James nodded and let go of Sirius' shoulders, leaving him be. His brows furrowed in confusion and concern for his best mate. Sirius hadn't had a nightmare this bad since he and Remus started dating, and he had certainly never hallucinated like that.

Sirius sat in his bead for a while, sucking in long breaths of air and letting them out as slowly as possible. His chest started to rise and fall in a normal pattern, but he couldn't shake the feeling of someone else's thick, warm blood on his own hands. He got out of his hot and sweaty sheets and struggled to walk to the shower. He stumbled over the floorboards that seemed to be moving on their own.

Finally, he reached the faucet and turned the knob until the water was boiling. He could feel the hot water burn his flesh, but he didn't care, as long as it would rid himself of the feeling of being watched.

~

Remus had gone down to the library early that morning. He had woken with a strange feeling of euphoria that he couldn't shake. He figured he'd catch up on the much needed studying that he had been putting off while he was in such a good morning. It was only when people started to leave the room that he noticed how late into the morning it had gotten.

He started to make his way to the Great Hall for breakfast. He noticed that Sirius was absent from the table when he approached the spot where he and his friends usually sat. James and Peter were there as usual.

" Where's Sirius," He asked while sitting down onto one of the long wooden benches and popping a piece of toast in his mouth.

" He wasn't feeling himself this morning. Screamin' something about blood everywhere and shaking like he actually saw it," James spoke, concern clear, but not obvious.

" What happened?"

" Dunno, he wouldn't say, so I left him be. He said he wanted some space."

Remus' brows cinched together, " That's very odd. I'll talk to him about it."

" You can try."

Just then the hall doors opened and non-other than Black himself entered the room. His face was pale and the giant smile he wore didn't quite reach his eyes.

" Alright, guys?"

"We are, but that's more than we can say about you. "

" Ah, so James told you, did he?"

The boys nodded in unison, trying to hide their unsettling thoughts.

" Nothing to worry about, just a bad dream is all."

~

The boys walked out laughing and talking as usual, the only difference being the cold aura that hung in the air around them like an odd storm cloud. The chatter around them from other students filled the atmosphere, pushing at the gloom. A quiet whisper caught the attention of Sirius.

" Of course, no need to worry about that. Tell him that I'll join as long as he doesn't touch him."

The two Black boys locked eyes with one another. Sirius pushed through the moving crowed to reach the clique of Slytherins crowding the abandoned corridor.

" What are you lot doing with my brother here?"

" That's none of your concern, Sirius."

" Of course it is."

" It's not anymore. You're not my brother, Sirius. Not after you ran away with that Potter boy. Mother and Father were so disappointed in you. Too bad they never noticed they had a perfectly fit son right in front of them."

" Don't do it, Reg. They're bad people."

" Perhaps so, but you're no angel either. Don't forget you're the one who abandoned your family."  _Abandoned me._

" I'm sorry, Reg. I had no other choice."

" Of course you did! You always had a choice, and you always chose them. Now, I'm making the right choice and you can't stop me"

The two other Slytherin boys smirked in delight.

" Come on, Regulus. Let's go. We don't have time to deal with that blood traitor, anyway."

Sirius clenched his fists tight.

" Those bloody snakes."

His heart stopped beating for a moment.

Ä̵̭̎ͅ ̶̳͑̊k̸̘̮̚ ̴̘͎̈̈́E̷̜̤͒ṣ̸̼̉s̸͕̯͒̐s̷̪͇̊

No. No. NO NO NO.

" Sirius?"

He snapped his head up, " Huh?"

" What just happened? Why did you leave us?" Remus questioned him, one hand set firmly on his boyfriend's shoulder.

" Oh, nothing. I just thought I saw something strange over here is all."

" Okay, if you say so. You can always talk to me, you know."

Sirius placed his hand on top of Remus'.

" I know, thank you. But really, I'm okay."

~

Sirius couldn't shed a spare glance towards the lake without the ghost of fingers tingling down his spine and grabbing his ankles. His eyes darted away from everything, including the stares of his friends. He somehow zoned in on a small blade of grass for the entire conversation that his friends shared.

They were only 17. The human lifespan seemed relative to the circumstances, so perhaps 17 was quite a large number after all. His whole life seemed to lead to this moment, and for some reason Sirius could no longer grasp onto the important memories that should help him win this fight.

Instead of laughing and playing while he was young, why hadn't he payed more attention to the happenings inside the dark mansion? He had inside access and he had ruined his chances of ever using that information. Just the thought of going back to that miserable house gave him the chills, but he told himself he'd sacrifice everything. That was his will to live.

Ever since he was young, Sirius felt a burst of determination strike him whenever he was going to fight. Now that burst was encased in a bubble that squeezed tightly in his chest. He wasn't ready.

" Is anyone ever ready for war?" Remus commented back.

" Huh?"

" Is anyone ever really ready for war? How could you truly prepare yourself for that?"

" Did I say that out loud?"

" You did. It's okay to not be ready, I don't think any of us are. You act so tough all the time, speaking as if you would throw yourself into a boiling volcano for the cause."

" That's because I would if I had to."

" Well lets just hope it doesn't come to that."

" It will. Trust me, it will."

" I know."

~

His skin stung, the mark freshly inked into his flesh. He would write home to his parents that night. He needed to let them know that he had joined the Dark Lord. Perhaps for once they would be proud of him and not cast him aside. He was the heir now whether they liked it or not.

He hissed in mild pain as he rubbed his forearm. He had thought about doing this for months, weighing every consequence in his mind. In the grand scheme of things, a tattoo was just a tattoo. He had the power to twist its meaning and perception to his will however he needed to. There was perk of being the Black son that was less fussed over: no one noticed if you lingered too long.

Watching his brother fail over and over only gave him more reason to succeed. Keep your mouth shut, don't call attention to yourself. That's that he had learned from observing his brother after so long. Sirius was so ignorant. Perhaps that's how he managed to be so outspoken and happy. Regardless, his actions would prove to consequential in the long run. Learning how to laugh and prank people with your mates wouldn't be helpful in this war, so Regulus kept distance from his brother.

The more everyone thought they despised each other, the better. If only Sirius could catch on to his plan. It was better to not tell him, he might interfere. But, it was so tempting to pull him aside and plead with him to listen.

It was too late now. Sirius would see the mark on his arm and never speak to his brother again. That was the plan, after all, but it still caused a sharp pain every time he thought about it.

~

" I don't know what to do with him, Remus. He joined the bloody Death Eaters for Christ's sake!"

" I know, but what did you expect. Not everyone can follow in your footsteps."

" I know. I all I ever wanted was to protect him."

" You can't blame this on yourself. He's a person too. You did everything you could. You each made your choice."

Remus rubbed Sirius' shoulders and whispered soothing sounds in his ear. He nuzzled close to his neck and placed a small kiss on the collar bone. Sirius gave a slight noise of pleasure. He squirmed under Remus' touch.

" More."

Remus grinned and nipped at the sensitive spot behind Sirius' ear. He took the soft skin between his teeth and bit down harshly.

"MMm, Merlin I love it when you do that."

Remus kissed him gently on the mouth and swiped his tongue over his lips. His hands slipped under the uniform cotton shirt that they were required to wear and traced over the delicate skin beneath. Sirius shivered to the touch and sighed in pleasure. His hands worked their way into Remus' golden hair and tugged.

The wolf howled inside of him as he pushed his body down onto Sirius.

" I love you. We'll do this together, whatever it comes to."   
  
  


ĵ̷̥̖͙͉͍̦͈̖̹̄̑͋̄̕ȩ̶̛͖̠̼̥̿̔̓͜ ̸̢̢̢̨̢͓̯̯̼̣͚̭͙̄͛̇̆͑́͒̆̌̒͜͝͠t̵̢̤̹̦̩̗͖͔̫̒̎͋̐̄͐'̴̨̲͇̻̲̗͎̹̏̍͒̂̒͗̄a̵̪̎̐̃i̶̧̧̗̰̫̠͇̜̦̱̻̮̗͋̿̎̈́͋̇̾͛̾͘̕ṃ̶̡̬̤͖̲̣̝͔̂̾̀͌͐̽̊͋͝͠ͅë̴͈͚̲̼́̊̐̑͌̚


	12. Chapter 12

_June 1, 1979_

The air was muggy and smelt of dewy grass and wet dirt. Blue clouds spattered the sky in a painting of gloom. The quidditch pitch was empty  besides the the Gryffindor team huddled around together with sweat soaked robes. Their clothes stuck to them in an uncomfortable mess of fabric. Chests rising and falling, heaving in the itchy air like bales of dry hay. The echos of laughter rang around the pitch as the adolescent boys congratulated each other on a good practice. 

" Hufflepuff won't even know what hit 'em, right lads?" 

" Careful, Davies. Last time you bragged that much your girlfriend left you for some pouf from Ireland."

" Oi, Thompson! Watch yourself, we're all a team here, " James berated. He pushed his sweaty hair off of his forehead and used the back of his hand to push his glasses up the bridge of his nose.  Sirius clapped Thompson's back and grinned smugly.

" Yeah, Roy. Would be shame if a pouf were to beat you at your own game. And by the way, next time you hit the bludger, try to aim away from our team so I don't have to cover for you." Sirius laughed and walked ahead into the cold  familiar atmosphere of the locker rooms.  He heard Davies and Willams snicker behind him along with the sound of an elbow hitting a stomach; the snickering stopped. 

The copper handle of the showers stained with green oxidation felt cool to his numb fingers. A burst of shivers shot through his body momentarily when the icy water contacted his back. He his body trembled and finally the water transitioned from freezing to burning hot. He  moaned in pleasure, scrubbing the morning's taint off of his back and arms. 

" Shut up!" Marcus' voice sounded from the stall next door.

" What's the matter? Wishing you could come in here and join me for a wank? Sorry, Marcus, I'm a taken man."

Sirius chuckled as Marcus groaned in annoyance.

" Just because you're a fairy doesn't mean you have to flaunt it for the world, Black."

" I know you're just jealous of my stunning hot bod, if you want I could refer some of the girls pining over me to you."

There was silence on the other end and Sirius couldn't hold back the laughter bubbling up inside of him, sputtering and choking on the water that fell down his face.

" Shove off, Black!" 

~

Sirius walked out to the lake where he promised to meet with Remus, his legs ached from doing drills with the team and his fingers were calloused from gripping the beater's bat all morning. He spotted Remus sitting beneath the Alder tree, long legs crossed and a gold mop of curls sitting on his head.

"Hey, gorgeous."

" What do you want, you absolute tosser?"

" Just your heart, my love."

Sirius lowered himself and flung his body on top of his boyfriend. He pressed kisses to Remus' neck. 

" I got you something," Sirius murmured, lips still connected to Remus' rough stubble. 

" Did you now? Does it have anything to do with our sex life?"

Sirius stuck his tongue out, licking Remus and causing the taller boy to jerk away suddenly. 

" Bloody turnips, Padfoot!" 

" Maybe it does. Come on, I'll show you."

Fingers intertwined, they walked slowly back to the stone castle. Sirius put his mind in a place of serenity. He felt the palm of Remus' hand against his own and he concentrated his focus to remembering every curve and line. He counted the number of steps they took as their feet stepped over the mossy grass. 

" Black! I knew you were a blood traitor, but I didn't know you were a faggot, too!" 

Sirius twisted his body around and searched the horizon for the interruption to his day. Amycus Carrow stood blocking out the sun with a devilish smirk curling on his mouth.

" Come to pick a fight have you?" Sirius sighed.

" No, just come to show you your brother's new tattoo. I think its quite fitting, don't you?"

Regulus stepped out from behind Carrow , brandishing his freshly inked arm. The light reflected off of his silver flecked eyes, showing not an ounce of remorse, only determination. 

" Oh, his mummy and daddy were so proud when they found out their only son finally joined the movement. "

" Indeed it seems that way. How disappointing. I always thought I was a good role model, but apparently I was wrong,"  Sirius bit back, hands still clenched with Remus'.

" Oh, you were a great role model, wasn't he Reg? The prime example of what not to do.  That's okay, Reg has a real big brother now."

Carrow wrapped an arm around Regulus, who looked chafed by the touch.  

" You could always join us, if you wanted. Ditch this half-breed serf and enlist."

"Joining you lot is the last thing I would want to do with my life."

" Well your life might come to an end  very shortly if you don't"

" Is that a threat?" Sirius bristled and clenched his fists, trying not to think of grabbing his wand. 

" Oh not a threat, a promise." Carrow grabbed his wand " Expulso!" 

A burst of blue sprouted from Carrow's wand, almost hitting his opponent directly in the chest. Sirius dodged messily, throwing his body to the ground, Remus following suit. They both grabbed their wands from out of their robes, directing them towards Carrow. The familiar flow of adrenaline reached Remus in a rush of power. Sirius shouted out in determination, 

" Locomotor Wibbly!"

Carrow fell to his knees and yelled out in discomfort.  Regulus had drawn his wand and brandished it towards Remus. He was still not willing to directly hurt his brother if he could avoid it.  This was the exact scenario that had haunted both of their dreams for months. 

" Petrificus Totalus." The incantation camly spewed from his mouth with a flick of his wrist.

" Shit!" Remus dodged the spell once more, quickly maneuvering through the library of spells he knew.  

" Expelliarmus!"  Both Remus and Sirius shouted simultaneously, directing their speech to their respective opponents. 

Carrow's wand shot out of his hand ungracefully and force him backwards over his already buckled knees. Regulus, however, laughed and simply stepped to the side in order to dodge the spell.   
" Pathetic! Is that really all you've got? I expected better from you, Remus." Regulus smirked, the ghost of his brother's own expression was hauntingly similar. 

Remus grunted and took a leap of faith. He tackled the boy in front of him with a hard thud as they landed. The grass beneath them shredded in a mass of dirt and blades. Sirius approached Carrow and kicked him in the side, earning an enormous groan. Remus pinned Reg down and muttered a small apology while lifting his arm into the air , " I'm sorry."

Regulus, smirked, " Don't be." Remus' fist collided with his face, he grunted almost inaudibly as blood spilled out of his nose, then his lip as Remus continually punched his face. Sirius was still kicking Carrow, with every collide there was a satisfying crunch of ribs beneath. Suddenly. Sirius felt his breath being restricted. He grabbed his throat and dropped to his knees, gasping for any air that he could get. Carrow let out a strangled laugh. He waved his wand in triumph and punched Sirius, effectively giving him a black eye. Sirius used what little strength he had left to wrap his fingers around Carrow's grubby neck. He could fell his adam's apple bob when he gasped for breath. He dropped his wand and Sirius stood up and stepped on it. 

Sirius felt a rush of relief and sucked in air. Remus stood up beside him, gazing on in exultaion but also remorse at the heaving Death Eaters in front of them. Both moaning in pain and exhaustion. 

They turned to look at eachother: Remus with his cut eyebrow and bleeding nose; Sirius with his shiner and burst lip. A realization passed between them. This wouldn't be their last duel for a long time. There was a war among them and a heavy weight hung above their shoulders. 

The liberation from school only brought another trap that they had to fight through. They held each other tight in their arms, crying and choking on their saliva. It wasn't a pretty sight, but how could it be? 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so angry because I did so much research with the years but according to harry potter wiki James was born in 1960 meaning he would be nineteen in the year I'm writing this in but he's supposed to only be 17 !!!!! Agh so please ignore that because I'm an idiot.

_June 27, 1979_

It was raining that morning, a warm drizzle that sprinkled the grey earth and calmed the hearts of those who listened. The soft pitter patter traveled through the windows of the library where Remus and Sirius sat working a paper for Charms. N.E.W.T.s were fast arriving and the teachers of Hogwarts piled on the homework heavily.Both boys were healed of their injuries from the duel ealier that month physically, but there was a tear in their hearts that was slowly filling with the hatred of war. Sirius tapped his foot along to the softy humming rhythm in his head, silently wishing that phonographs were aloud inside the library. The scratch of his quill pen added to the entrancing melody and he found himself repeating the strokes in a methodical pattern of sorts.

Remus set his quill down gently and watched the oblivious continue the beat and subconsciously started to hum along.

" Sirius, you're getting quite antsy. Is alchemy not exciting enough for you?"

Sirius looked up and realized what the other was referring to, " Actually,  _dear_ , I'm working on charms, not alchemy. But, I have to say it is not the most riveting of subjects."

"Well, I'd say that we've worked hard enough for one day. How's about we take a break for a little while? I dying to stretch my legs."

" Of course, wolfy dearest. Let me finish this sentence and then we can go!"

Remus chuckled and stood up from the candle lit table and proceeded to stretch his sore muscles until he heard a satisfying pop from his bones.

" You shouldn't do that, ya know. You'll hurt something." Sirius remarked and pulled Remus flush to his chest.

" I've been doing it this long, haven't I? Besides, stretching too hard is the least of my concerns when it comes to injury." Remus pushed Sirius away playfully, " Come on, I want to go outside for a bit."

As soon as their shoes hit the cold stone of the corridor, their senses were flooded with the sound of chatter. The hall was filled with other students ready to escape the castle if not for the rain that kept them inside. There were various moans of frustration due to the realization that there was less than a week until the final exams.

" Aw, look at all the fifth years complaining about O.W.L.s. Aren't they adorable, Moony? Remember that? When you were just a poor tiny baby who was too shy to hold my hand?"

" Oh yes, and I also recall that in fifth year you used to sleep with my sweaters when you were lonely."

Sirius pouted and shook his head, " I don't remember that ever happening!"

" Oh poor ickle Siri-kins! Too fragile to admit he likes to snuggle my sweaters!"

The two laughed, hand in hand as they finally reached the grand doors that led outside. The air was moist and Remus expected to hear his boyfriend complain about how the rain would muss his hair. Instead he heard a content sigh as the seventh year raised his face to the heavens and let the warm rain drops flow down over his nose and sharp cheekbones. His lashes filled with droplets and they slowly fell as he blinked them away.

" Merlin's dick, why do you have to be so hot?" 

Sirius looked at the less-graceful Remus who was staring in awe. His curly hair was matted to his forehead and his shirt stuck to him in odd places.   
  


" Merlin's dick, huh? That's a new one. Should I be concerned?"

"Oh definitely, you know that I like older men," Remus winked and Sirius made a gagging noise.

" You're disgusting, you know that?"

" That's not what you were saying last night!" Remus cheekily remarked. Sirius shoved him and Remus fell down into the soaked grass. He rolled around, not caring if his old robes got green stains. Sirius pinned him down and gently kissed his nose.

" I love you."

" I love you too, doofus."

Sirius grinned, a wolfish grin, and brought Remus' lips to his own once more.

" Thank you."

They both knew what he meant when he said that. It was more than just a simple acknowledgement, it was gratitude for this moment, for everything that they had done for each other so far. It was that no matter what was to come, they would always have each other.

~

Sirius and Remus huddled around the fire, the latter sneezing uncontrollably. He had a woolen blanket wrapped around his shoulders and Sirius cuddled up to him beneath his shirt. At first Remus shivered at the cold touch of Sirius' skin against his own, but the body heat soon warmed him up and made him sigh in content.

" Why the hell did we think it was a good idea to muck about in the grass while it was pouring rain?" Remus groaned and let out a loud sneeze.

" I don't know... It was fun at the time."

The portrait door swung open and a disheveled James Potter walked in the door. He briefly glanced at the couple and rolled his eyes.

" You two are fucking weird..." He muttered under his breath.

" Nice to see you too, Jamsie!" Sirius grinned and stuck his head out of the collar of Remus' shirt. 

" Anyway, lads. I have to ask for some help."

Sirius finally removed himself from under his boyfriends shirt and tilted his head in interest. "For what? A prank like the old days?"  
  
  
  


" No not a prank," James adjusted his glasses and pulled a small box out of his pocket, "Although it takes the same amount of planning and dedication. "

He opened the velvet box to reveal a sparkling ruby encrusted ring. He twisted it around in his fingers, showing off the intricate engraving of a doe ans stag running around the circumference of the band.

Sirius and Remus gasped, shocked to see that their friend appeared to be holding an engagement ring in his hand.

" Is that for Lily?" Remus whispered, finally finding his voice after being awed in silence.

" Yeah, it is, but the problem I'm having right now is that I have no idea what to do to propose to her..."

Sirius finally snapped out of his trance and gently took the ring between his own fingers and examined it carefully. He could tell it was authentic based on the quality, something that he had learned long ago from shopping with his mother as a child.

" This is a lot of commitment, James. Are you sure you're ready?" Remus inquired carefully, trying not to upset his friend in anyway.

" Of course. I love her," James sighed. He couldn't decide if he wanted to elaborate on his reasoning or not.

" But you're so young, mate. You've just barely come of age!"

James smiled softly and stared at the deep scarlet ring that glittered in the firelight.

" I know, but I fear I don't have much time left to make that decision. If I ever want to marry Lily, I have to do it now."

" But-"

" She'll love it. Of course she'll say yes to you, no matter how you ask," Sirius interrupted his boyfriend in hopes that he wouldn't depress the mood any further. Sirius handed the ring back to his friend and offered a few suggestions on the perfect romantic proposal. Remus just sat back on the couch, leaning against the overly fluffed pillows. He was never a romantic type of person, unlike Sirius and James ( although they would never admit it). He new any attempts he made regarding the subject would be futile. The blanket that was wrapped around his shoulders became quite stuffy and he shrugged it off gingerly.

" I hope you know that I support you James, no matter what happens."

" Thank you, Remus. That means a lot."

The silence was soothing between them, but the impending feeling of despair slowly crept through the room like a cold mist.   
  
  


The Marauders met James at the great lake at 6 O'Clock in the evening, when the sun was first descending under the horizon. A display of beautiful oranges and pink hues spattered the sky following the sweltering sun. Sometime earlier that day the rain had cleared up immensely and left a dewy humidity in the air.

The water was scattered with water lilies floating on the surface that were summoned from James' wand. Peter helped lay out an array of cheeses and fruits from the kitchen on top of the cheesy checked blanket that was laid on the damp grass. They wished James luck and hurried out of sight into a place where the could observe.

James Potter smoothed his shirt out and ran his fingers through his hair. Sirius remarked that 'if he mussed his hair any more I will make it my personal business to murder him' from behind the bush that he was hiding in. James pushed his glasses up his nose, a nervous tick he had developed over the years. He spotted a familiar redhead off in the distance. Her hair was braided into a crown upon her head and she wore a yellow sundress that blew in the mild breeze of the castle grounds.

She smiled and him and he pulled her into his arms. He kissed the top of her head gently and asked her to sit down on the blanket beneath them. James sprawled out messily with his legs out in front of him, his grin was sewn onto his face and his brown eyes were crinkled in delight. Lily was sitting cross-legged next to him, hand casually attached to his.

Sirius started getting antsy crouched behind a small lavender bush for so long. His leg was shaking and his feet were falling asleep with every passing second that ticked by.

" He needs to hurry it up!"

" Shush, Siri! He's not doing it for our entertainment! Let them enjoy their date, you impatient tosser!" Remus scolded, but he too was getting a little restless with the situation. His eyes stayed locked onto the basket where he saw James store the ring 20 minutes prior.

Finally they saw him reach into the basket and not-so-discretely slip the black velvet box into the pocket of his robes. He pushed himself up onto one knee and started to spew a long string of words forming a messy speech. His forehead was glistening in the sunlight, drops of nervous sweat beading there.

They saw Lily cover her mouth in the classic cliche manner and nod her head rapidly. He took her in his arms and spun her around. Finally the Marauders jumped out from behind their awkward hiding spot.

" Yeah! I told you she would say yes!"

James punched him lightheartedly and they laughed giddily, somehow transporting back in time to a place where there wasn't a war.

~

When they sauntered back to the common room, the newly engaged couple split up and left to the gender specific dormitories. Sirius felt that the beds were more comfortable that night than they had been the night previous, he didn't know why, but when he snuggled up to Remus he felt safe and warm.

" Hey, Moons?"

Remus hummed in return, not mustering enough energy to form words with his tired lips.

" Do you think that could be us one day?"

Remus turned around in bed and searched Sirius' eyes for the appropriate answer.

" I don't know. We could never get married, you know that."

" Yeah, but we could pretend. " Sirius grasped Remus' hand in his own and kissed the silver ring that was still placed on his finger, his own catching the dim lighting. " These are our engagement rings."

Remus smiled, it was sort of pitiful. He felt a sense of sadness that Sirius wanted to pretend to be married. His need for affection and commitment had changed so drastically over time, now he needed something to cling onto to make himself feel secure. But, it was also a hopeful sort of smile. Perhaps they could make it work, maybe it would all be okay. Besides, what was the worst that could happen to them.

" Yeah, we could pretend. We could have a small little flat together and bicker like an old married couple. I could cook us dinner and serve you breakfast in bed. We could share showers and baths together and I would see your beautiful face every morning," Sirius whispered and snuggled deeper into Remus' chest.

" That might work," Remus sighed. He kissed Sirius on the top of his head. He felt the breath that was tickling his chest even out until Sirius was no longer awake. Remus took this time to admire the ring that was permanently on his finger.

_Maybe it could work...._

_If only hopeful thinking wasn't so ignorant...._   
  
  


 


End file.
